Merlin's Redemption

 My favorite character to portray and popularize Imad-al-Din from the movie Kingdom of HEaven had found himself in Camelot as shown in the BBC Show Merlin. In this history Nikita/Sasha was only a frequent visitor to Camelot, not a super close friend to the court and never hoping to stay permentantly; as she is in ALL my other stories. But when Imad decided to stay in Camelot, she chose to stay here with him.

Merlin and Gwen walked into the room allotted to my friend Imad. They found me reclined on the floor with him, sharing a meal of beef tip and pita bread with hummus. I stood up and tried to look embarrassed.

“It's alright Sasha. You deserve some happiness after all this time.” Merlin whispered to me. “I just wanted to see if there was anything Imad would be needing?”

“That isn't what's going on. In Arabia people sprawl out on cushions to eat, and the food does not require forks. My 'caught out' expression is because I think of Gwenievre as a queen. Which now that I live here instead of visiting so freaking often should abide my local custom and tradition. Except I never learned any custom or tradition for interacting with royalty.” I caught a slight look in Merlin's face that told me something was pressing on his mind. It wasn't a burden exactly, but there was something Merlin wanted to get out in the open and address in front of more than just the two of us. Perhaps that was why he'd brought Gwen along. Something of my thoughts probably shown on my face.

“Does Merlin always take such close interest in his guests?” Imad asked aloud.

“For someone who didn't live here until a few days ago Sasha is a dear and special friend. She's also a better judge of both character and intention than anyone else I know. Anyone she esteems as highly as you, and she had NOT stopped talking about you since you got here, is well worth extra effort.” Merlin rattled off in a squeaky voice. “I guess I am too late to make a light meal for you both. I hope you will accept it if I prepare a meal tonight, for whoever in this room would like to come.”

“I would like that very much.” Imad stated in a quiet, almost restrained voice. “There is something I have to clear up first.” He turned and looked at me with chilly eyes. It felt as if he couldn't decide for himself if he should feel sorrow, regret or simply embarrassment at whatever had gone unaddressed. Merlin looked deeply concerned for a moment. I shook my head slightly and looked at my Saracen friend.

“I appreciate the invitation and confirmation to stay. I feel both honored and comforted that you seem genuinely concerned for my comfort as well as my...well-being. But you were mistaken on one thing.” Imad began slowly. I looked even harder at him, as did the others in the room. “My people have strict rules on what is acceptable to eat. Cooking meat separate from dairy is not one of them.”

“Was I getting Kosher and Halal confused?” Sasha inquired.

“I think you know which one applies.” Imad answered with a smile.

“Halal, of course. Are you saying it is not as...restrictive?” My friend nodded deeply, with another shy smile on his face. “Okay...feeling a little stupid right now.” I said weakly.

Merlin and Gwen looked at each-other and silently communicated their conclusion: Something I considered normal was not all right with Imad. Who must have noticed it too, as he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “What is the confusion?” he inquired. My smile broadened, I forced a spell on my words so everyone present would hear me in Arabic. “They can sense something is making us uncomfortable. It feels something has 'come up' between us which they do not know how to alleviate. Without knowing what 'kosher' and 'halal' are, they have no way to know how great or small the difficulty is. May I...?”

“Of course.”

I switched into the king's English. “Merlin, Gwen, nothing is wrong. There are two sets of religious rules on what is permitted or forbidden to eat; Kosher and Halal. While I understand there is a difference, I thought the 'don't mix meat with dairy' regulation belonged to both. It's an easy mistake to make when you don't follow either one. My original instruction to you Merlin, not to melt cheese onto meat, apparently isn't a rule in Halal...So none of us should be worried about it.”

“Which is why this needed clearing up before you made them a meal.” Gwenievre put forth. Merlin started fidgeting. “There is something pressing on my mind that I think only Sasha can address.” I gave an encouraging nod. “Do you still have your traveler's gifts? More to the point, is the first promise you made to us dependent on whether or not you have them?”

“I can honestly say I don't understand. I know you refer to Miri's table but I never made a promise about that. I know I declared my intention to hold it again but, that's not the same thing, is it?” I noticed Imad was looking between the four of us as if we were speaking Lakota instead of English. “Miri's table was a table of peace and equality I held on Sabbat days growing up. It was established early in my travels here that the last thing I wanted to do for them was to hold that same....celebration. That is what he is referring to. My confusion is due to the fact that when I made my promise to hold that meal I did not call it by that name. I guess if they know a declared intention is as good as a promise for me...And Merlin has 'fathomed out' what all it meant.”

“Which I did.” Merlin posed.

“Then yes, I do intend to hold Miri's Table for each of you. But it won't look the same as I first imagined it, because I won't be able to provide the food, only to serve it. If Arthur would honor the last bit of my intention and memory, he would let me SERVE rather than host that meal. Uther is gone but I shared a secret with him once, a personal desire close to me heart that if ever I could do so without embarrassing the hell out of you, Merlin, I would take you place 'step into your shoes' as a servant, at least for a day.”

“THAT'S Miri's Table?” Merlin squeaked.

“Sajiq...my friend... 'Miri' was the name I went by when I first started traveling. The word literally means 'of peace'; though I didn't know that at the time. Anything meant as a peace, a sanctuary, a refuge or a stop along the road is literally Miri's Table. It's who and what I am. This is just the first time in nineteen years the memorial and testament itself comes so close to the Sabbat we held so long ago.” Imad himself was confused, and made no attempt to hide it. The others were simply arrested in their responses. “Imad will understand what I mean when I put it this way. Every seventh day we held a sabbath, a time of rest and fellowship. This came to be called 'Miri's Table', by our guests because I was the host and they knew that was my name. I have been away from home for almost twenty years. In that time my sisters came to see this stop along the road as a Sabbat, like Ramadan or Hanukkah. But as the original designer and host, I can say with authority it is a place of peace and a time of fellowship...no matter what form it takes.”

“What in the name of all things rational and sane just happened?!” Arthur exclaimed suddenly.

“While I was still master of myself I sent messages to your minds to help me banish an ancient demon out of my soul.” I told them all as if my mouth were a machine. “It was the only way I could think of that my death would be deserved if I was executed and my peace would be my own if I died a natural death.”

“Will you then stay in Camelot with us?” Merlin asked me gently, very wisely avoiding my comment.

“If it's time to hold Miri's table again. If Morganna's nightmare has come true...I will.” I answered him. Merlin nodded gently and I sealed myself off from the wood between the worlds. I had sent everyone home already and it wasn't like I had anywhere else to go anymore.

“Would you mind telling me what that was all about?” The King persisted.

“Morganna's nightmare coming true? It just means that almost everything I was waiting on has happened and I should have been staying here already. I guess I just lost track of things, shut off in my own little world. What I told Merlin, what must have been 5 years ago now, is still true. I'd rather live one year of life worth living than five years of life where I might as well be dead.”

Gaius smiled.“...Shut off in your own little world. That's what you meant by 'might as well be dead?”

“I wasn't able to leave my own little room in my world. Only look out the window as it were. But the past really is in the past, as of now.” I whispered sadly. “So please don't ask me any more about it. And I'll hold Miri's table for anyone who knows me and doesn't mind one exemplary show of quote unquote 'magic'. But I won't be able to do anything with my powers after that. And if I am to stay for good and all, there's one more thing that needs done. And this one is completely my doing.” She raised her hands to the heavens, palms up and fingers outward. Then in a single motion brought her hands down to her middle, gripped her fingers together as if clutching a stick in her palm, and bowed her head. The auburn hair that barely passed her ears became longer, passed her shoulders and far closer to Arthur's sun-colored locks. Her blue dress and yellow long sleeve shirt vanished and in its place they saw a thick red shirt with wide sleeves that only passed her elbows. Her black tights became thinner black trousers and somehow she became heavier, thicker and her eyes grew tired. “this is what I really look like and how I usually dress. The first thing you'll probably notice is that I'm dressed closer to our recent visitors. I hope that's the first thing you notice.”

“And not that you're in trousers?” Merlin inquired.

“Well Merlin, I hope you'll remember the first time we ever met on equal footing?” Sasha prompted.

“I do, that's why I'M not so surprised at it.” Merlin retorted.

“Um, could someone provide me with a translation please?” Arthur interjected.

"I'll leave that for my Friend." Sasha answered bleakly. "I won't be long for this world and need to rest.”

“...Sire, there's one other thing that really needs saying. But I don't have Merlin's consent for it yet.”

“You really do follow him in all things don't you.” Arthur stated solemnly.

Sasha couldn't tell if this was a question, an assumption or a taunt. Assuming it wasn't the lattermost, she began. “I trust his judgment as devoutly and unswervingly as he trusts you, yes. Besides that's not my only reason for holding back. He needs to be the one to offer this knowledge and explanantion...or it's just hearsay and slander.”

And at what Sasha judged to be the most inconvenient time ever they heard Merlin's voice interject. “Arthur there you are what have you been...up to.”

“Merlin we are both in very deep trouble. And I was about to be in worse trouble than you are.”

“Then I showed up at exactly the right time.” Merlin stated firmly, but with a confidence he obviously did not feel. He looked his witch friend in the eyes with a serious question.

“Arthur didn't remember what we thought he knew.” Sasha stated unwaveringly. “I filled him in on the conversations we thought we'd had. But something else needs to be said even so. He needs to know something the...well he needs to know what the kalex and Aggrivane obviously knew.”

This statement seemed to be too much for Arhtur's brain, and for his patience. “What in the name of anything are you talking about? What's the Kalex and what does my uncle have to do with anything?”

Merlin looked both stunned and crestfallen. “Arthur...not intentionally but completely...I'm a killer.”

Arthur, not entirely unexpectedly, chuckled at that. “Hehe right.”

“Actually he's being dead serious Arthur and I really wish I could vanish right now.” Sasha intoned.

“No!” Merlin insisted. “Sasha I need you here. I wouldn't be able to do this without you.” Everyone stared at everyone for a good 20 seconds. “I mean I wouldn't have the courage to face the truth of myself if you hadn't been prodding me about it, in the vision that now all three of us share.”

“Sir Leon doesn't know?” Arthur asked as though nothing else of importance was going on.

“He knows I have magic because I told him yesterday. He doesn't remember the vision.”

“Because he was only a part of the vision himself. It was a good springboard...starting point...inciting incident. Well you see what I mean about wanting to vanish.” Sasha blathered.

“Sasha, you only could vanquish the demon or creature as your former self with Merlin standing by your side. Is it really such a surprise that he needs you now, by his side as ever you were?”

“I uh...guess not.” Sasha admitted softly. But there's one more thing that needs to be shown even so. And this one is completely my doing.” She raised her hands to the heavens, palms up and fingers outward. Then in a single motion brought her hands down to her middle, gripped her fingers together as if clutching a stick in her palm, and bowed her head. The auburn hair that barely passed her ears became longer, passed her shoulders and changed its color to be far closer to Arthur's sun-colored locks. Her blue dress and yellow long sleeve shirt vanished and in its place they saw a thick red shirt with wide sleeves that only passed her elbows. Her black tights became thinner black trousers and somehow she became heavier, thicker and her eyes grew tired. “This is what I really look like and how I usually dress. The first thing you'll probably notice is I'm actually comfortable in these clothes, and that they fit my true form pretty well."

“And not that you're in trousers?” Merlin inquired. 

 “Well Merlin, I hope you'll remember the first time we ever met on equal footing?” Sasha prompted.

“I do, that's why I'M not so surprised at it.” Merlin retorted.

“Um, could someone provide me with a translation please?” Arthur interjected.

“I've always been dressed closer to how you see me now. Merlin apparently has seen through the projection since I decided to stay here. I know he saw through the shield for a split second when we met in the woods, years ago and before anyone else but Uther had even seen me in Camelot. Exactly when that was is lost on me. But his complete lack of curiousity or hostility at the air quote 'deception' or 'ilusiuon', which is how most people think of that revelation, is part of why I called him such a great friend in the first place. The rest of it being that he is who he is no matter what and has what a friend of mine...Well let's just say Merlin deserves the nickname Nikita. It means 'Hidden Strength'."

"You called yourself that when you first showed up, so of course you couldn't refer to him that way." King Arthur stated simply. Sasha nodded her head.

"And now almost everything is in the open, there's only one last loose end. Alator needs to know he is safe, and Merlin needs to know he is protected. But if you give me your respective words that this is so,  I don't need to be around for that. After all, I really HAVE been willing myself to live beyond my time until the time came that I am willing to die...Just as I told the king years ago. I think I am finally ready."

“You have my word on that.” King Arthur stated firmly and politely.

“Albion is here. Alator will know that he is safe, and he will know from me.” Merlin promised

“Then as we both have been saying since any of us met: be empowered and direct your own path.”

Five minutes later she was dead on the floor.