Captain Jack and the Dark Archer

For those who don't know the Dark Archer Malcolm Merlyn and the former time agent turned defender of Earth Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who are played by the same actor: John Barrowman.

“What did you say your name was again?” The cop said gruffly.

At least, he came off as a cop to the man he was questioning.

“Look I don't know what name I'd have been known by if I had ever been here before, but as I haven't I doubt it matters.” The stranger replied curtly.

“I'm not suggesting you have been.” The inquisitor replied somewhat put off by the resistance this man maintained within his own mind.

“Oh your not insisting I'm this Merlin criminal you called me?”

“I know enough to know you're not him. At least you don't believe it of yourself. That doesn't answer my question of who you ARE.”

“You got a point. I'm not going to bother calling myself 'James' or 'Johnathan'. People call me CJ.”

“Ok, etiquette tip. When a police officer asks for your name it's polite to give them your actual name.”

“True, but you're not a cop. I mean, unless they were on the take or something, no cop I know would be hiding their faces like that. But you don't come off as any kind of criminal either. If anything...”

“What?” the hooded figure said in a slightly calmer voice, and with sincere curiosity.

“It strikes me you think my doppelganger IS a criminal; that's why you're after him at all.”

“You got that part right. Malcolm Merlyn is a prick. I don't like him and he doesn't like me.”

“Either of you, you mean?”

“Leave the cop out of this.” The vigilante stated tersely.

“What, you leave that hood on all the time?” CJ replied sardonically. He wasn't sure if the man he was talking to was really stupid enough to have misunderstood his question. And he was pretty sure he was going to regret his joke. But it was still the most concise way he knew to clarify his previous statement.

“I don't like him and he doesn't like either of the faces I wear.” The man corrected himself. “That pretty much what you meant?”

“Exactly so. But I still say you're a liar. It seems to me that he doesn't like one of you and until quite recently, didn't care about the other. That's my reading of the situation.”

“You lead a double-life as well?” The other man stated, intending it as more of a 'here you go' gesture than the jab at the man's character CJ took it for.

“I've gone under a lot of different names in my life. But I've been who I am through most all of them. At least, I'd like to think so.” He looked down a moment, making sure not to drop his head at all. “Let's come straight to the point. You've brought me here, thinking I was this Malcolm person, and to prove that he was as much of a criminal as you believed of him.” CJ stated in as calm and controlled a voice as if he'd been the one doing the interrogating. “And I am curious about whether the detective sanctions you?”

“...On this yes. He knows Malcolm is a criminal and when he saw your face; he decided to let me have this opportunity.” The vigilante stated plainly, seeing no reason to lie. “As you may not've noticed...”

“...He doesn't exactly like you.” CJ finished. “Or if he does, it's a new sensation on his part.”

“We fought our way out of a few scrapes together yeah...And when our missions are the same, he's not past cooperating toward that goal...”

'Why in the name of hell is he spilling his guts like this?' The detective wondered from the other side of the room. 'Either he knows him somehow, trusts him for some wacko reason or is trying to BS him.' His mind replied unyielding. Something weird was going on. Which, he had to admit, wasn't exactly unusual where the hood guy was concerned. He just hoped he didn't, once again, have two vigilantes on his hands.

“...But what's that to you?” the hood finished, thoroughly interested.

“I have a question for you and don't give a damn if you answer, but I think it's only polite to ask.”

About 3 seconds of quiet later, the Detective walked into full view of the two men. He gave the hooded man and the stranger each a long cold stare. Neither of them cared. CJ asserted that it wasn't a timed entry; and for several hours afterward remained certain it was fortuitous timing for both the cop and himself.

“Polite?” the Detective stated simply.

“...Appropriate then.” CJ replied placidly. “A way to see where you stand and to show you how much I know in the same stroke...at least, what I think I know. And we go from there.”

“You know how the game is played.” The cop admitted. He looked to his cohort, and nodded.

“What's your question?” The hooded figure stated.

“This man you mistook me for...Is he even still alive?”The next thing CJ knew the hooded man had shoved him against the concrete wall with his forearm across his throat. He didn't flinch.

“Who the HELL are you?!” They stared into eachother's eyes for a few seconds.

'What d' ya know, green arrow.' CJ thought to himself. He kept his voice strong and reserved as he answered. “My suspicion doesn't come from an outside source. I've done enough lying in my time to see it in another person's eyes. And I haven't seen it in yours, so I figured you'd answer honestly....assuming you'd answer. If you want absolute proof that I'm not this creep, give my a knife and stand back.”

The vigilante slowly backed away and to CJ's lasting delight, the detective reached into his jacket pulled out a pocket knife, which he opened and handed to him. Within five seconds CJ had taken it, stabbed his own left forearm and sliced it from elbow to wrist. He took his scarf from the chair and dabbed the wound. The detective drew his gun in an instant. The vigilante narrowed his eyes.

Shoving his arm in their faces he asked point blank.”Does THIS answer your doubts?” Captain Jack really had done this a number of times, and didn't need to see their faces to know his arm was healing before their eyes. And with wide eyes, and dimmed expressions both men nodded weakly. The cop kept his gun out.

“Yes, I'm dangerous. No, I'm not a killer.” CJ told them both in such a cool detached tone that they were once again reminded of the maniac they'd taken him for...though there was no longer a suspicion that he was so. As the vigilante took note of this truth, he relaxed his form.

It was about 35 seconds of bemusement later that Jack spoke again, his words thoroughly sarcastic. “I'm fairly certain I've answered your questions. I've only even asked you both one question. Please answer it.”

“I saw him die.” The hooded vigilante stated firmly.

“Good riddance.” The detective intoned, confused but calm.

“You are reasonably assured that I am not the lunatic you saw in me?” CJ prompted them. The three men stared at each-other, and both inquisitors nodded. “Then can I get the hell out of here?” He continued emphatically. Detective Lance nodded and opened the door to the outside world. CJ threw his scarf around his neck, caring nothing for the bloodstain from his wound, and walked outside the door without speaking to or looking directly at either one of them. Quite acutely giving them the impression of a man caught in a bar fight who'd been asked to leave the establishment once he'd been declared the victor.

“Well that was fascinating.” Detective Lance quipped a few minutes after the man had gone.

“We had to be sure and you know it.” The Archer replied coarsely.

The detective took a step toward his collaborator, then another.“You know you have..”

The man grabbed his bow and hissed. “Don't even think about it!” Lance stepped back to where he had stood and bluntly asked what was up. “You and I are allies; more-so than we were. That doesn't make us friends.”

“You sure as hell got that right.” The cop replied coldly. “I just wanted to tell you you have a tracker on your hoodie there.”

The hooded archer smiled just broadly enough for the other man to see. “I know that. It's fairly clear to me that CJ wants to find me again, and I intend to let him. He and I aren't in the same business, that I can see.” Quentin looked mildly surprised. “I figured you'd be as curious about him as you were about...the other archer. But good bad or indifferent, I need to know what he's up to. And if he intends to stick around.”

“Can't argue with you there.” Lance admitted. “I can't believe I'm going to say this but, good luck.”

It was an infuriating feeling, that the man he'd practically hunted for over a year had become a partner in his investigations. But this was made much less awkward by the reality that the vigilante himself had called him in on a number of his own missions. When he thought it over, the hood had apparently started negotiating with his targets rather than flat out executing them. Something had changed. And at the moment Lance had only a vague idea of what. But he was going to find out for sure, from the source.

“You know him pretty well?” Jack asked of the archer, having followed him as promised. He stood stock still waiting for a reply to his inquiry. He didn't mind standing about 30 feet away, staring at the back of the man's head. He could see the man was no longer wearing his green hood. And clearly was not about to look him in the face. “The Detective I mean. He's the one who doesn't like you with your mask off, but has to tolerate you when it's on. What I thought applied to your enemy, actually applies to your collaborator.”

“How long have you been in town?” The vigilante replied calmly, thoroughly avoiding the question.

“About a week or so. I woke up here bout a week ago. How long I was around? Who knows?”

“So you're not a total liar, just confused?”

“I don't know how much sarcasm I should read in that remark.” The man replied, blunt and straight-forward as ever. “But I think we both know it's literally true.”

“Yeah, I've gotten pretty good at seeing through other people's b.s.” The archer replied simply.

“Listen, you've been here for the past 6 hours and you've barely moved from that seat. Either this is your base of operations, and you wanted to meet me here of all places. Or this is some weird kind of a trap for a man you see as an opponent. I would think I've shown you how pointless the latter is.”

“If I were trying to kill you it would be pointless. Questioning you however would be exceptionally easy in a place like this.” He paused to let the threat sink in. “ But I just wanted to see how much you knew.”

“And you had at least one more question for me, I know that much.”

“I was wondering why you asked if your doppelganger was still alive.”

“You both looked like you'd seen an old enemy come back from the dead.” CJ replied accurately, but only half-truthfully. “And a few seconds later it was a sensation I shared.” He added to finish the truth.

Jack normally paid very little attention to what he'd taken as a bunch of random REM cycle dreams. Especially considering many came from the 'ridiculous science-fiction serials' upon which his friends would have been raised. Many said stories actually seemed to have a basis in fact, given his travels. But if that was the case, if those fragments were accurate, there was only one possible explanation.“You're not some spoiled rich kid trying to make up for bad behavior are you? I meant that would be one hell of a coincidence?”

It was clear to the vigilante that Jack suspected his words as perfectly true. The question was, how strongly did CJ believe the accusation. Oliver decided an abridged version of the facts was the best way to go. “That is more or less how this got started.” He admitted glumly. “I'm not sure what it's become.”

“Do I assume correctly that your original mission is more or less over? As a question of curiosity are you trying to find...” he hung his head in mostly genuine shame. “NM that. I don't expect you to tell me.”

“Hehe, you find it easy enough to pry. Why relent so soon?” The Archer teased.

“ 'It is unfortunate that we masked men must hide so much from each-other' ” Jack quipped. “A friend of mine told me that once...well I say friend...but he was right.”

“I'll ask you again.” Oliver began, picking up his bow. He placed an arrow in the shaft and turned slowly to face the man. “Who the HELL are you?”

“Not that it'll means a damn thing to you.” CJ replied calmly, with something approaching confidence in his voice. “But I've gone with Harkness as a surname for almost 300 years. 'CJ' stands for 'Captain Jack', an old term of endearment. It's my name. PERIOD. Well as close as makes no nevermind.”

“...That's your name.” the vigilante corrected. “Now it's time you actually answer me. Who are you.”

“I'm a man who some years ago didn't remember a thing of his past life. But according to my 'closest friend', who called himself Johnathan Taylor, that life has gone on for a while. Given that I apparently have survived, in no particular order '...falling off a cliff, being trampled by horses, world war one, world war two, poison, starvation...' Well you get the idea. Taylor told me that he and I met because I was a con-artist. But to this day I haven't been able to shake the feeling that I was at one time a worse form of criminal. I've made it my mission to make up for whichever is true.” He looked at the 'metal clock', on his wrist, otherwise known as his vortex manipulator, and frowned. The digits were going ballistic.

“What's wrong?” The archer asked in a tone to suggest he cared more about getting an answer than what the answer was.

At least that was the impression CJ got from his words.“I still haven't learned how this blasted thing works.” Jack admitted easily,tapping the device with his other hand. “But I think it's telling me to get the hell out of here. Don't know if Jonathan's waiting, but I am pretty sure it's time to move on; that's the straight up truth.”

“What and you're asking for my permission?” The hood asked, something like disbelief in his voice.

“I don't want you to think I'm avoiding answering your questions. I usually try to close these things out before flat out ending them.” CJ replied resolutely.

“You may or may not believe this,” The other man said quietly. “but it was nice to meet you, Captain Harkness.” It really had been one of the more open and comforting conversations he'd had in a long time.

Captain Jack Harkness flashed a boyish grin.“Likewise Oliver Queen.” He ran out the door of the basement and out into the alley as quickly as anyone could have done.

The man responsible for the misconception was arrested 2 days later. He had been a long-time victim of Malcolm Merlyn's cold-heartedness, and had jumped at the chance to pin something on him. Or so it seemed at first. Then the hood got hold of the man's toxicology report, and the charge was changed from obstruction, to drugs. One of the detective's Criminal Informants confirmed that Harkness had been in town for about a week and a half. And upon this evidence the detective and the archer came to the same conclusion: Jack had been telling the truth as he knew it.

Several days later, when Oliver responded to a summons by the detective, hood and voice-changer firmly in place, he found the man pacing the entire length of the same rooms in which they'd questioned Jack. It had become their standard meeting place.

“Getting sentimental?” the Archer asked with a slight humor evident in his voice.

“I was wondering if you use this room a lot?” the man retorted briskly.

“It's a peaceful middle ground.” The Archer replied. “Neutral territory between the station and my base of operations...What's going on detective?”

“This time I've got a question for you.” Detective Quentin Lance stated firmly, and without reserve.

“Then ask it.” The hood responded in a deadpan tone.

“What was your connection to Tommy Merlyn.”

“I could be wrong, but I think that's none of your business.” Oliver replied with concealed shock.

It was a shock the cop mistook for anger. And under almost any other set of circumstances, Quentin Lance would have backed off. But there was too many 'bits and pieces' which had piled up over time for him to ignore anymore. And he felt they were all leading him to one conclusion. “Look, you've been an infuriating puzzle to me from day one. And I'll admit, at first I thought your motives and goals changed as rapidly and as quickly as you flee a crime scene. I gave up trying to put this all together a long time ago...”

“...But the mystery of Captain Harkness changed all of that?”

“The fact that we actually worked together solving the mystery of that solider, yeah it did. It started me thinking. You saved Tommy's father from poison, saved him from kidnappers and such, went on a three month leave of absence when they both died. I don't mind telling YOU that the city could really have used your help. But you vanish, as though forever. And actually start being a team player once you're back?!”

“I wouldn't go that far.” The Hood interrupted.

“You call me in when you think Merlyn was back from the grave...close-er to a team player.”

“You called me in.” the Hood countered him.

“Yeah but I didn't expect you to go all in like that!” The detective replied, not caring for a game of who did what at the moment. “I just...”

“Detective Quentin Lance, neither of us will enjoy what will come from this.”

“I figured that.” The cop replied coarsely, apparently resenting being treated like an idiot. He took a few deep breaths, and waited for the right words to come to him. He knew he was asking a masked, mass-murderer that he'd hunted for over a year to suddenly remove his mask simply because they weren't enemies anymore. When he thought of it like that, it did make him sound like an idiot. He chuckled at the irony. He couldn't help it.“I..I just need to know what the hell is going on.”

There was an infuriating silence. Neither man felt any desire to move a muscle. Finally Oliver spoke.

“Hatred sucks.” He said with feeling. “You've hated me for ages...in both forms apparently. And why someone I've never met could see that so quickly I don't know. But...” He deactivated the voice changer. “...it doesn't take a genius to see that Tommy was my friend.”

It took a few moments for these words, so casually uttered by his nemesis, to be processed by the detectives brain. When he finally put the pieces together, he could only think of one appropriate thing to say. “SON. OF. A...BITCH.”

Tabula Rasa (next recovered scenes)

 Gwaine! It's good to see you.

“Likewise Merlin.”

What brings you here?

“I thought you might want some company when you head out.” Merlin's face fell.

Subtlety is not Arthur's strong suit is it?

“I’m sorry Merlin I..I thought you'd be heading to the southern field.”

Am I missing my brain as well as my memories? NO. And I'm perfectly capable of..MERLIN listen to me! Every four days you go to the southern fields, alone if you can. I thought you might want some company this time, perhaps with a sword...nothing more than that.”

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry Gwaine. I didn't mean to come down on you. something other than my memory loss is causing me to react this way. Please let that suffice for now.

Easily old friend. Easily...but now I am definitely coming with you.

I would be glad for the company. An hour later they were on horses, trotting through the plain.

“you know the question I wish to ask you?

Ask it anyway, perhaps we're not thinking of the same thing.

“Why is Arthur avoiding you like a disease? He shuddered when I told him I would check on you.”

“...I lied to him. Apparently I've been lying to him for the past five years.”

Merlin, I think that bump on your head confused you more than we thought. I KNOW you Merlin. You would never lie even to save your LIFE.

“...according to Arthur, that's exactly what I have been doing.”

“You're serious?” --and you know exactly what I'm talking about?”

“Gaius tried to warn me that there was something different about you. I didn’t know what he meant.

You must not tell Arthur I told you, please Gwaine. Merlin, as far as I'm concerned, you haven't told me anything worth mentioning to him.” There was a soft smile shared between them. “This must be what friendship feels like” Merlin found himself thinking. The moment did not last long.

“ But it's something worth finding out, I'd be willing to wager.” Said a lady dressed in black coming out from behind a tree. At the sight of her Merlin’s stomach turned sour. And he wasn’t even sure why. She was the first person he’d seen here you hadn’t seemed at least somehow familiar. Part of this was explained when Gwaine began to draw his sword. “I wouldn’t try that is I were you. You see I’ve become a little better skilled since last we met. “As if to prove her statement she put out her hand and yanked Gwaine off of his horse, apparently by magic. “Well Merlin,” she said turning to the wizard. “It seems we meet again at last.”

”What do you know of me?”

“HA! I think you mean 'What do I want' with you. And that is simple: I want you to follow me.” “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t expect to find you here Merlin, so I didn't bring anything to bind you with, but I did bring this.” She points a sword at Gwaine's throat. “Come with me now, and you leave a friend behind. Wait 5 more seconds, and you leave a corpse.”

“Why don't you just pierce me?!” Merlin yelled at the top of his lungs. “Why threaten him?”

“Because, I know you well enough to know that you value fools like this more than your own life.” Merlin climbed down off his horse, his hands extended forward in a gesture of surrender.”

“You and I were friends once, weren't we?” WHACK!...

Merlin woke up. His head was pounding and his arms were sore. The latter was explained by the fact that his arms were chained above his head; what else would he have expected? Which of course raised the question – WHY were his arms chained above his head? For a moment he thought about asking the woman who was standing before him – until he realized that SHE was of course the one who'd chained him.

“Do you remember me?” she asked in a voice dripping with false sincerity.

“I wish I could say I don't recognize your face! I'll count it a blessing that I don't even know your name!”

“Well, that was an unexpected change! You have stomach now, even something resembling courage. And you were quite right earlier; at one time, you and I were friends.”

“What happened between us?”

The lady growled slightly before answering. “You really don't want to remember.”

“If you won't tell me what changed, at least tell me your name.”

“Why does it matter?” she asked in a voice full of bitterness.

“I want to know who, if not what it is I'm responsible for.” Her eyes closed to slits as she hissed at him.

“You're the ONE person I can think of who had NO part in making me! I am Morgana Pendragon.” Merlin's mind swirled at the sound of that name. He could see flashes of the lady before him smiling at a banquet in Camelot, sitting near Arthur – not yet the king, but next to an older man wearing the crown. And then an image of a fight in the Great Hall between Morgana and himself. “She must be Arthur's sister” thought Merlin as he shook his head to clear the memories. A trickle of sweat rolled down his back as he saw her smiling at him.

Gwenivere entered Arthur’s chambers happy as one could be. It was a custom for them to have breakfast together at first light on the third day of the week. However, when she walked in she could tell that breakfast was the farthest thing from Arthur’s mind. He was still in bed; and with such a melancholy expression on his face that Gwen thought he might be sick.

“What is it Arthur?” Gwen asked her friend gently, putting her arm around Arthur’s shoulder.

“It’s Merlin. There’s something different about him. I’m not even sure where to begin”

“Try.”

“Do you think it’s alright if friends have secrets?” Arthur said looking up.

“I would like to think true friends would be open about anything. But if you mean Merlin specifically…”

“What is it Gwen?”

“I can’t speak for him but I would want to speak on his behalf.” Despite his confusion and sadness, Arthur found himself smiling at her.

“What’s the difference?”

“I suppose there isn’t one. But listen to me Arthur. If Merlin has been keeping something from you, I’m sure he had a good reason for it.”

“Well yeah I suppose he did. He was saving his own neck!”

“Arthur, I have no idea what you’re talking about. And honestly, you’re scaring me.”

“Gwenivere, Merlin has Magic.”

There was a stunned expression on Gwen’s face, understandable to say the least. But a moment later it was replaced with a sad smile. “And you believe he was keeping quiet to save his own life?”

“That is what I am having trouble with. When I confronted him about it he didn’t seem at all concerned about his own fate. So…why then?”

“Have you considered asking Merlin about this, to his face?”

She was laughing at him but he was forced to admit, she had a point. There wasn’t much to be learned by sitting here in his chambers as Merlin, likely as not, sat somewhere alone afraid for his life.

“You’re right of course. But first I think I need to talk to Gaius again.”

This was a conversation he was not looking forward to. The last conversation he’d had with Gaius had ended far from amiably, and had been only hours ago. He knew there was no way Gaius could have forgotten it. But he hoped that Gaius might be willing to put it aside. But on that point, would he?

Arthur found Gaius apartments quickly. Gaius was there alone. Or at least he seemed to be.

“Gaius have you seen ‘Emrys’ about?”

“I hoped he’d be with you, or perhaps Gwaine, he was so out of sorts…Do you need me to fetch him? -- This was at first taken as useless banter, and it was a moment before Arthur realized the truth: Gaius didn’t know about their argument. This was going to be even harder than he’d thought.

“Gaius. I need to talk with you about Merlin.”

“Is he worse?”

Uh no. I don’t mean about his condition. I mean about…what he can do?”

The man’s face fell at this. It didn’t seem right somehow, that Merlin’s secret would be revealed when he could not give an account of why he’d kept it in the first place. “Sire, will you sit down?”

“Absolutely not!” Arthur said with an edge he had not intended.

“I’m sorry for barking. I just..Why didn’t you tell me?” This drew a stunned expression from the court physician. And when he next spoke, his voice was shaking with anger.

“Why didn’t I tell you?! Merlin was placed in my care! His mother trusted me to protect him from other people’s ignorance. He needed to know he could trust at least one person in this world and I wasn’t about to hand him over.” There was a pause as Gaius tried to control himself. “I think what you’re really here for is to find out why HE didn’t tell you. I can’t answer that. Except he wasn’t sure in his heart you'd understand.

“I’m not sure I do.” Arthur admitted. “That’s why I’m here.” Gaius stared at him.

“Are you angry because he betrayed Camelot or because he was ‘lying’ to you?”

Arthur opened his mouth to speak. “Never mind’ Gaius interjected. “It doesn’t matter; because either way you’re wrong. And I’ll say good evening to you.”

“What do you mean?” Arthur said, more out of sheer confusion than anger.

“Merlin is not here to defend himself and until he is I will not discuss this further. He thought he was protecting you and I wish he’d have been allowed to continue. There is nothing more to say. Good evening.”

Such was their previous talk. You can see now why Arthur was pensive in approaching him. When the king entered the room Gaius gave the requisite bow and immediately went about cleaning his equipment. There were some attempts made at civility but no real desire for it.

“Gaius I know what you probably think of me right now but I’m not here to argue about that. I’m here to speak of him as a person, concerning the present situation. Please hear me out: Something else is going on here. Merlin's lost his memory, that's obvious, but that wouldn't make him a boot-licking coward!”

“Threatening to expel him from his home might.”

Arthur shook his head in denial. “I never threatened him. We I haven't spoken since I found out about this...”

“The armor,” said Gaius with a sudden realization.

“I'm sorry?”

“You said he seemed interested in polishing your armor”

“ ‘Not because it was easy, but because it was fun’. So what of it?”

“You can't deny that Merlin has always been good at his work.”

“But when was the last time he thoroughly enjoyed it?” There was a faint light in Arthur's face as he realized the truth of the situation. “You’re saying he didn’t lose his memory at all, but his identity!”

“If he no longer has his own personality, he might have even lost his own convictions.” Gaius stated coarsely.

It was quite clear to Arthur what he’d meant by this.” “You believe Morganna is responsible.”

“Knowing what you now know sire, is it really that hard to believe?”

“..not for me” Gwaine panted as he hobbled in to the room. Arthur helped him into a seat. Gaius began to check the cut on Gwaine's forehead.

“Arthur, I told you something was wrong with him. Friends know these things about each other. And as Merlin just proved, they'd also do anything for each other.” Gaius turned to get a bandage for the bleeding.

“Gwaine, what's happened to Merlin?!” Arthur seemed in shock from what he’d just heard. But for all that he was as determined as ever to learn the truth.

“He gave himself up – to save a friend.” Gwaine's eyes closed and Arthur eased his head onto the table.

“Now it's my turn to do the same. Take care of him, Gaius.” Arthur grabbed his sword and hurried out of the room calling for a saddled mount

“You know, there is one thing I don't understand about you, Merlin” Morganna stroked her chin with a gesture borrowed from her father.

“Then at least we have that in common.”

“Have you not learned in your life not to joke when it's in jeopardy?”

“You haven't told me to keep silent, and I wasn't joking.”

“Why do you follow Arthur so blindly? He doesn't deserve your loyalty; surely you've seen that lately?”

“Rather the opposite. If I hadn't known it before, I know now. He deserves it.”

Her eyes widened in amazement. “Did that blow to your head weaken your senses even further?”

Merlin thought back to the memories of them fighting. “Morgana, I think we share a secret. Am I wrong?”

She stepped right up into his face. “Yes, I have magic, and Yes, I used it to take your memory!”

Merlin's eyes filled with disgust. “How on Earth could you have thought that helpful to you?”

She stepped back and after a moment drew herself up straight and regal. “I thought if you saw things with fresh eyes, you might see them more clearly. Apparently, I was wrong.”

Merlin shook his head, then turned it downward to hide the smile in his eyes. “Oh No, Morganna. That part you accomplished. I do see more clearly now. Gaius tells me I gave Arthur my devotion for reasons I didn't even understand.”

Morganna scoffed. “And now you see more clearly?”

“Yes, because now I've seen both why I follow him and, why you will never defeat him.”

“And why, please tell me, would that be?” Morganna purred at him.

“Do you know what a friend is, Morganna?”

“Enlighten me,” She ordered.

“A friend will do anything for a friend.” Arthur's voice caused Morganna to spin around to face him. She lashed out with her sword, but he blocked it and returned the stroke. Merlin looked up at his shackles.

“Dochiel dienvey!” At Merlin's command, the hinge pins disappeared. He pulled his hands free of the fetters and shook the blood back into them. Picking up a clay bowl from a nearby table, he smashed it over Morgana's head. She turned to look at him, but her eyes rolled up into her head and she crumpled to the floor unconscious.

“I'm surprised how good that felt.” Merlin said to the surprised Arthur, who was standing there with a stunned expression on his face.

“Are you all right? What happened?”Arthur seemed to have too many questions for his lungs.

“I'll get back to you on how I'm doing. Morganna has effective ways of compelling obedience, as I'm hoping you already know...hoping that Gwaine got back safely and that's why you're here. I have no idea where we are. Morganna is in the dark, so don't worry. And whatever the 'round table' is, I think I'm going to be alright for the first time since IT happened...if that answers your questions. I hope it does cause I've no other answers.”

“You feeling well enough to polish my saddle?” Arthur asked with a coy grin.

“Arthur, I -I don't - ”Merlin stammered.

“I can honestly say I was joking.” Arthur replied smiling more broadly than he had in three days.

“I take it he told you?” Gaius told Gwaine the moment his eyes were clear.

“Not quite.” Gwaine replied lazily. “You told me enough that I figured it out by what he said…which of course is what you’d intended, isn’t it?

“More or less.” Gaius replied chuckling. But when next Gwaine spoke, his smile vanished.

“Gaius. I can’t be trusted with this.”

“What do you mean? I’d say you’ve proven trustworthy to say the least!”

“No you don’t understand. I will never tell anyone, especially an enemy if I have any strength or self-control, you can trust me on THAT. But I cannot be trusted to control my tongue. I almost let it slip already.

At this moment that Merlin walked in. He gave a nod to signify he'd overheard the conversation. “You told me you had been an outcast before we met. I must ask you: would you be willing to be so again?”

Without hesitation.” Gwaine replied solemnly.

Well let’s hope it won’t come to that Merlin.”

There was very little cheer to be found in Merlin the next morning. Every friend he'd made in Camelot had either wished him well or told him to relax. He almost wished more people had known why he was so dis-heartened:he could use all the well wishers he could get right now. The trepidation he felt as he walked into the king's chambers was restrained as well as he could manage. But as he hoped Arthur would note, there was no attempt made to hide its existence.

“I present myself as ordered Sire, ready to face your Justice.”

Arthur looked up from the scrolls on his desk to re-examine the man in front of him. That Merlin would be apprehensive went without saying, but there was a sensation of, almost fear resonating from him. Which made Arthur more than a little uncomfortable himself. “What are you talking about Merlin?”

“Your judgment for...what I had failed to say, was postponed until the morning, but that is now at hand.” “Merlin, first of all RELAX. I'm not about to chop your head off or anything.”

Merlin raised his head slightly. But to Arthur's disappointment, kept his hands clasped firmly behind his back. Deciding to imitate the gesture, Arthur began pacing the floor in front of him.

“I'm disappointed in you Merlin. All the time we've known each-other, you've never bothered to tell me this about yourself. Why you thought you had to keep this a secret.” Merlin opened his mouth in surprise and made as if to speak. Arthur held up his right hand to stop him. “I've spent the last two days trying to sort it out, to come up with a reason why you lied to me. My first thought was 'it's against the law' but you've never been one to think of your own safety. I've noticed THAT about you if I've noticed anything. Then there was the concern you showed for Gaius; you might have been keeping quiet for his sake. But if you'd had the time to think this through, you could have either found a way to leave him completely out of it, or ask a pardon for him as I know you were in the process of doing when last we spoke.” He stopped his pacing directly in front of and 2 feet away from Merlin. With an apparent feat of effort, he turned to face the man. “It was me wasn't it? You didn't want me to think less of you. Or to feel that I had been betrayed...and before you open your mouth again...I EXPECT you to speak unreservedly TO me, as I have done to you.”

Several moments pause, Merlin seemed to have found his voice again, weak tho it was:

“I knew you would feel betrayed if you ever found out. I knew hiding the truth would make me a liar by default. But if this about perfect honesty sire; I was afraid of you. Afraid of your anger, your scorn, that you would turn out to be no different than anyone else.” He hung his head. “And that I'd lose any hope of calling you my friend.”

Arthur brushed away a tear. “Merlin you've never...well I won't say that. But if ever you lost my friendship, you gained it back, and not with these words, but last night.” Merlin stares at him. “I heard what you said to Morganna. You stood up to a roaring lion for me as stalwartly and staunchly as you stood up to ME when I had been...fierce and bull-headed about a few things. That's why I summoned you here tonight at all. I was afraid you were just being brave, or had decided you had nothing left to lose. For my part Merlin, we'll be alright...if you take a little more caution with your gifts that is.”

“Arthur you should know. I think Gwaine figured it out.

“what do you mean?” Arthur asked, some mixture of surprise and anger in his voice.

“I told him I'd apparently been lying to you for the past five years. (fondly) He actually laughed in my face at that. Said there was no way I would lie at all even to save my own life. A light dawned in Arthur's eyes.

“And you told him that's what you'd apparently been doing.”

...Merlin saw that Arthur's fist was clinched as if to strike him.

Arthur I was distracted, I'm so sorry.”

After what seemed to be an eternity, Arthur relaxed his fist and lowered his hands.

“You’re wrong there my friend.” Merlin looked up at him, dumbstruck. “You weren't being distracted, you were being honest; and I wouldn't expect anything less of you. But if you breathe A-word of this conversation to anyone but Gaius I will not be so understanding. And, as if to ensure Merlin had been paying attention, he 'asked': “AM. I. CLEAR?” “Yes MiLord.” Merlin replied nervously but firmly.

Dismissed.”

Merlin's Tabula Rasa (part one)

 

Visitors from the Heavens (pt 2)

 “Sasha, why has it taken you this long to bring this up?” Was King Arthur's only reaction to his younger friend's suggestion, which she made promptly at breakfast the next day.

“I've never had this much of a reason to give Merlin a break from his duties and, honestly, I don't think you have either.” It was a not so veiled reference to Arthur's joke about Merlin's place at his side. But Arthur didn't seem to appreciate the reference.

“You mean this might help me out as much as it'll help explain things to Jayden?” He replied stiffly.

“I mean Riker will want to learn things from you just as Merlin wants to learn things from Jayden And the exchanges of information will be true exchanges.”

Jayden and Riker were seated at one of the longer tables with Percival and Sir Leon at the time. So they didn't hear any of this. When they saw Arthur bend his head in deep thought, then wave his hand to dismiss Merlin, they assumed the answer was in the affirmative. A few minutes later all five of them gathered in the great hall. Sasha suggested she, Riker and Arthur should ride out to a fork in the road to have their conversation, while Merlin and Jayden could go wherever they felt would suit their comfort and need. It was a n idea warmly supported by the others. Not two hours later the three riders departed, at an easy pace.

“I'm really not sure where to go from here.” Sasha mentioned once they were completely out of town.

“Really, you're the one who suggested it.” Arthur prodded.

“I know where I want to end up. I never...How did you actually GET to that split in the road when you and Merlin were following a horse?” Arthur's ears turned pink and he tried his best to hide it from his guest.

“I'm going to assume that's a private joke between the two of you.” Riker stated, as though in passing.

“I'll let that go for now.” Arthur eventually replied. “We have other business.”

Not thirty minutes later Arthur pulled his horse to a complete stop and invited his friends to do the same. “This is where the ambush happened. I'll assume that's what you referred to.”

“If I understand you at all correctly and am not missing anything, yes.” Sasha replied, almost testily. She walked up to the fire pit, propped the sticks she'd brought with her into a tall triangle and lit them with what Arthur took to be magic, but was really just a spark jug.

“Okay maybe you're not who I thought you were.” Riker intoned gently.

“I have three older sisters you know.” Sasha replied with a grin.

“Now I don't understand.” Arthur stated impatiently.

Without instruction all of them sat down for the long and messy conversation they all knew would follow. But let's see what Jayden and Merlin were up to. We can return to this place again later.

“Merlin I am confused by you.” Jayden admitted softly as they made their way to the north-most room in the entire castle, in other words, to Sasha's room.

“I can assure you the feeling is mutual.” Merlin answered in what was meant to be a casual voice.

“Where are we going?” The stranger continued, unabated.

“The only place in this whole city I know we won't be overheard.” Came the instant reply.

Once they were seated across the short table from each-other, so that the impromptu bed was on Merlin's left and Jayden's right, Merlin lost absolutely no time in posing the question that was on his mind.

“What are you sir?”

“Why do you believe I am anything but what you are?”

“I uh...I meant to ask your condition...your situation.” Merlin openly lied.

“I am Will Riker's equal and his friend. We are not equal in all things but...” Right about there the true meaning of Merlin's question dawned in his mind. “...I repeat my question.” Was all he said in response.

“I scanned the surface of your and Riker's minds. I couldn't see anything in yours except a desire to be understood and to understand. Commander Riker held these same concerns, but his admiration for our 'little world' nearly drowned them, as it were. Also you both must follow a very strict set of rules.”

“Little wonder Arthur seems to rely on you concerning visitors.” Data, as was his true name, interpreted, not bothering to remark on the proper use of Will Riker's rank.

“HE doesn't know I do it. For that matter, I don't usually use my gifts that way. You and Will behaved so oddly, not the least around Sasha herself, I wanted to learn for myself what could be the issue.”

“Why would you not tell your liege about your gifts?” The other man stated, bluntly curious. “For that matter, why is it such a secret?”

“I uh, I seriously don't understand your confusion.” Merlin admitted softly.

“We are not from this island. I had assumed this place...Camelot in particular...was blessed by magic.”

“Your assumption was very much incorrect.” Merlin near-laughed. “Magic is punishable by death in Camelot and under Arthur's father, that was usually the result. Because he learned what I am, Arthur has tried to be more tolerant of 'the old ways', but he still hasn't made it any less of a crime...not for good and all.”

“So, if I may ask, who already knows the truth? I would assume Sasha learned it somehow.”

“Sasha has always known, since the first time we actually met.” Merlin answered, now clearly laughing. “Sir Leon just found out a day or so ago and Arthur was told over six weeks ago.”

Jayden decided to take a moment to consider everything that had happened in his visit. After a long pause of thought, he stated in a defeated voice.“You have trusted me. I would be most unfair not to 'open up' to you.”

“I don't want you to say anything you are not comfortable sharing with me.” Merlin insisted.

“That is a part of it unto itself. I have no concept of comfort, or emotion or even taste. I may refer to Dr Soong as my father but it is a figure of speech...I am a constructed being. I do not know if I have a soul, so please do not ask. I have free will and I am not indebted to anyone except my captain. So much is...accepted.”

To Data's surprise and lasting confusion he found Merlin laughing again. For a moment, he was convinced he was being laughed at. And when Merlin had regained control he explained. “My friend as long as you can say with a straight face that you have a conscience and can understand loyalty I don't care what you are.”

“Both of which I can assure you, I do.” Data replied almost at once.

“I have to tell you though. According to Sasha I'm the most open, fair minded person in this kingdom. It's one of the reasons we are such great friends. I wouldn't risk letting anyone else know about this. You might get beheaded as a product of magic, or a souless monster.”

Data stared. “Forgive me but I have never been so easily accepted by someone who lived as you do.”

“What, in fear for their lives if anyone figured out the truth of their existence? Do you simply mean 'as primitive as this'.” A single look from Data answered his question quite completely. “In a twisted, round about sort of way, I've had a 'head's up' about your existence, and the reality of your construction. Just not about your coming here, or even that you could or would.”

“Please elaborate.” The android intoned.

“Do you really live on a ship in a sea of stars?” Merlin replied. Data did not verbally respond. “I'll take that as a yes. Captain Picard must rely on your fair judgment the way Arthur relies on mine.”

At that exact moment Will Riker was having a very similar conversation with his new friends. One that very nearly ended the same way.

“Grace, Sophia, and Elizabeth are my older sisters, but we all look so much alike to most people, we get confused with each other all the time. It has been my belief since Riker and Jayden showed up here that they know one of these sisters, and mistook me for her.”

“Grace visits us all the time.” Riker said plainly. “If you're not her, how did you know about Jayden?”

“Because I've learned to tell pretty fast if I can trust a person or what motivates them.” The young woman answered easily. “Most of what I've said about him falls under that category. And while I am not Grace, we share stories of our adventures with each other...in a very personal way. Also hearing you call him by his proper name, made everything else fall into place.”

“What 'proper name'?” Arthur insisted.

“Jayden is a name a group of villagers once gave my friend.” Riker answered at once. “His name as he himself chose it is 'Data'. It is simply another word for information or knowledge.”

“Who would choose that as their own identifier?” Arthur pondered aloud.

“At the time there was nothing about him he felt was more important for him.” Will answered in a harsh tone. “And his thirst for information and knowledge is very much one of his more defining qualities.” He turned from Arthur to Sasha. “You were right at that.”

“I said he's human in every way that matters. I never said he was actually flesh and blood.”

Riker seemed ready to faint at those words. “Why would you do that?” He inquired of Sasha. Who it seemed, did not understand the objection.

“Well he wasn't there at that statement I'll grant you, but it's perfectly true and relevant is it not?”

“I mean why would you destroy...Well I'm not even sure how to go about this.”

Right there Sasha saw the assumption. And decided to let her friend know she did not take the accusation well. Drawing herself to her full ramrod height, or as much as she could sitting down she stated. “William T. Riker, how in the name of sanity do you think you got here?” She checked herself a moment later. “I would think that knowledge unto itself would tell you I'M the one taking responsibility for this mess?”

“And she is not your friend Grace.” Arthur added as though his mouth were on automatic. “Although I must admit I don't entirely understand the issue at hand.”

Sasha took a deep breath to calm herself and turned to the king. “His people's curiosity got the better of them on so many occasions, they created this cardinal rule of not getting involved in other cultures. At least, unless external forces are responsible for the problem or some one in said culture made a direct request for help. He was certain it applied here and failed to consider his people had very little to do with what I've been telling you these past few days. And I have no such directive.”

Arthur looked uncertain. “Okay I'll accept that for now, but what does it mean 'how you got here'?”

Sasha almost hung her head. “That was actually my own missed perception. I don't know how they got here and had assumed something about it. I had also assumed that if I was right it somehow negated his directive. And no, I did not bring them here. Neither, I assume, did Grace. But I am grateful to see for myself the truth of a story I once told my young friend. I wonder if he's noticed that by now.”

“I hope we are at peace.” Riker stated calmly. “Jayden and I with you, Sasha as well as with the people of this kingdom. I would prefer to stay for a while and learn more of the truth surrounding your place hand your friends hereabout. I almost wish it wasn't already time to go home.”

“Sir, I hope you're not rushing out because of me?” Sasha offered.

“Or my own lack of manners.” Arthur added.

“It's nothing like that. We're on a tighter schedule than I let on before. It's time to head back to the ship, if not really head home.” Riker stated, somewhat sardonically.

Sasha looked surprisingly grim.“I sincerely wish you would be empowered and direct your own path. And do I assume correctly you would prefer to slip away practically unnoticed?” Riker nodded. “I think that's more than fine. As far as no pomp, circumstance or otherwise fanfare-y farewell. But do not vanish or disappear. Those you have met here would like, if not need the chance to say goodbye...yes? She insisted to Arthur, who nodded his assent. “Then on that part there is no issue.”

“Where IS there an issue?” Arthur and Riker stated simultaneously.

“I still feel like I'm scaring you off.” Sasha admitted glumly.

“And you haven't answered my original question.” Riker intoned.

“I assumed the question was nullified when you realized I wasn't Grace.” Sasha offered.

“Well the apparent contradiction was answered. I'd still like to know from you who you are to them?”

Sasha stood up and answered in a firm and quiet tone. “Until recently I was a constant visitor with a mask of happiness or dignity. Except to Merlin. He and I became close not so much because of that, as the fact that we both believed in equality, justice and the evidence of our own eyes. That friendship was only strengthened when I finally came to stay here for good and all.” Sasha's words seemed rehearsed and blank to Riker's ears. A fact which he quickly made public. Arthur nodded in agreement. The statement simply made Sasha grin.

“I've had time to come up with an answer for whenever this finally came to light. That is I was anticipating being able to stay here for good and all since I had two of four years of visiting under my belt. And I wasn't sure if these admissions would precipitate finding a place to call home, or if finding a place to call home would finally take down my guard enough to admit them. Arthur likes me because he knows I understand what I'm talking about...when I bother to speak up at all. To answer what I now know is a bigger part of your question: I've only for certain lived here for about eight weeks, maybe ten. I came here so often before, they could tell it was as much home to me as anywhere I've been. I'm their friend and defender against ignorance and true stupidity. I'm no more capable of physical combat than Grace was...and no less their friend than she was to you.”

“Which Merlin has been for a long time.” Arthur muttered to himself.

“Unquestionably.” Sasha agreed with feeling, for the moment not caring what exactly Arthur had just realized. “But Riker, consider the possibility that this isn't where you think it is. Your first impression of us was mythical and magical at the same time, yes?” And without waiting for a reply she continued. “This is exactly what it seems like. I mean this place really is exactly what it seems like to you. I wish you luck on your journey, any further interference from you because of me, or vice versa would be...exactly that.”

“We better get back to Camelot and Jayden and I better get out of here.” Riker stated. It was an assertion warmly and fervently supported by the others present. “Sasha, do you have Grace's ability..”

“My traveler's gifts as I called them don't work now that I've settled down, unless it affects and is for the sake of my first friend. So not unless Merlin specifically asks for it...if he thinks it would heal something, then no. and right now I doubt it would help or solve a-ny-thing.”

The trip back to the castle was at an easy pace and silent.

“So what do you make of this place Data?” Riker asked his friend as soon as they were alone in their quarters again. Having shared their experiences, they had yet to come to a shared conclusion.

“It is simply another example of parallel planet development. For some reason one of Grace's siblings decided to settle here. Either that or we've gone back in time and the myth-historic legends of Merlin and Arthur and the knights were flatly wrong.”

“I'd rather believe the former. Especially since we've very much upset the balance of this place.”

“Commander I believe Sasha was correct. She is responsible for changing this sociopolitical climate. We just helped the shift further along.”

“Well yeah. I guess we should be grateful she told the story of your hearing as a story.”

Data looked at Riker, hesitating.“Commander, how did you choose the name you gave them as my own?”

“It's what the villagers on Barkon Four called you. Which I know you don't remember.”

“Yes, a sad reversal of my encounter with Sarjenka. I was the one with no memories of my friendship or impact.” Data replied, almost mournfully. “I suppose it makes sense, it is a name that has been used for me. And obviously it fooled enough of them...But not Sasha herself.”

“It was not meant to deceive her.” Riker mused. “Only to let her know I could still be careful.”

The visitors had gone home. Their last wish had been easily fulfilled: they'd left without a word to anyone. Merlin was asleep, or at least unreachable. Which left Sasha the only person Arthur could ask to settle his muddled mind. Which was fine; she knew more of this truth than Merlin.

“Sasha, what was all of that?” Arthur asked her in private.

“Which part?” Sasha asked with an obvious desire not to say more than was needed.

“Can you really not use magic unless Merlin asks you?” Arthur clarified.

“Of course my friend. I thought you knew that.” Sasha paused and studied Arthur's stoic face. “But that's not what's troubling you, is it?”

“What magic was he asking you to use?” The King persisted.

“I believe Riker wanted me to avoid breaking his own cardinal rule by making you forget that whole conversation. He failed to realize that leaving such a big gap in your head would itself cause damage and irrevocable changes to this place.”

“Yeah if things are going to change, there better be an explanation for it.” Arthur reiterated.

“That's my thinking exactly. Besides, with one exception, I've never thought of using my powers that way, ever.” Sasha stated matter of factly.

“What exception?!” Arthur pressed.

“I never actually did it. But if Sir Leon hadn't taken the news well, and if it had happened any earlier than it did, I would have wiped it from his mind. Believe it or not, even though he's only known that particular secret for a couple of days, known it for sure I mean...” At that point she seemed to think she'd said too much and closed her mouth, but continued to stare King Arthur in the face.

“You think Sir Leon has um...had his suspicions...for some time?” Arthur asked bluntly.

“Yes sire.” Sasha stated in a tone to suggest she thought she was in trouble...or was about to be.

“What if I had figured it out. Or I couldn't handle it. Would you have taken the knowledge from me?”

“My king,” The young woman stated coolly. “I'm still trying to figure out how you learned the truth in the first place.” Arthur stared at her, open mouthed. “And the answer to your question is no.”

Arthur was quiet for a long time after this. Convinced she had said something wrong, without any real clue as to what, Sasha remained seated and silent. Her original assertion about being in trouble was quickly confirmed as Arthur stood his highest and straightest and asked. “It wasn't your own secret was it?”

A ringing silence fell.

“I honestly need to know. I've known for ages you had magic so your secrecy made no sense to me.”

“You don't remember it?” Sasha pressed.

“Remember WHAT?” Arthur yelped.

“Okay forgive me but I have to be certain. What did you just figure out?”

“The only thing that would have you this mortified. Merlin has magic.”

“Okay, since we are now for the most part on the same page, let me fill in the blanks. And don't you dare interrupt me with more questions.” Sasha stated coldly. King Arthur simply nodded his head. “You did discover Merlin's secret. We thought you did. I've lived the past six weeks thinking you remembered that encounter. In which, by the way, you walked in on Merlin's mind to mind conversation with Sir Leon and took the news a little too well. But such a secret could never be that quickly or easily accepted. So together Merlin and I broke the illusion of those conversations. After the vision faded Merlin walked up to your room, flat out told you his secret and you told him to go to bed with as close to a 'mind at peace' as he could. I guess now the entire thing was someone pulling the wool over my and Merlin's eyes...the lie was not just the original vision.”

“So that's why Merlin's been more relaxed around me these past weeks?” Arthur concluded aloud.

“He thinks you've come to accept him for who and what he is...accepted why he does these things and what all he can do. It would naturally have put him at ease.”

Arthur started to turn away, toward the door. Sasha reached out her arm toward him. “Milord please rest on this a while before you do anything to Merlin. And when you do talk to him directly, please let him know I'm the one who messed up.”

The king stopped in his tracks and turned toward her. “I would think you'd want your part in this hidden.”

“Are you kidding me? The alternatives being Sir Leon really taking this badly or Commander Riker letting this slip? I'll take the blame for what I actually am responsible for.” Sasha answered briskly. “Besides, I hope I can help you to see why Merlin does what he does and that what he is, as far as being a sorcerer, is only a small part of the who of his being.”

Arthur sat down at the small table. “I'm listening.”

“I think the best way to show you this would be to literally show you the vision we both experienced. That way nothing is missing or clung to.”

“You said you couldn't do that anymore.” Arthur reminded me.

“In that case I'll tell it to you. And you had better be still and listen intently.” I answered him.

“He nodded and I began the story again.

“...Why do you call yourself Sasha?” Sir Leon asked of his friend.

She smiled at him from her couch.“Gwaine gave me that name, when I asked him for one. It means inner beauty. Why do you ask about that all over again?”

“That's actually not what I mean.” The knight admitted humbly. When you first came here you were calling yourself 'Nikita'. Why not keep that name?”

“Because as such Nikita was executed.” The young woman answered firmly. “Gaius, Uther, Arthur and Merlin all saw her through her last moments in this life, and she died. It was as close a call as I've ever made. She had to either die a natural death or face execution as a sorceress. And Uther let her pass naturally and in her cell. She came back to life, I came back to life. But I couldn't call myself by that same name.”

Sir Leon could barely believe what he was hearing.“Are you saying Uther knew about your magic all the times that you visited Camelot?”

Sasha smiled at him kindly. “Of course. She made him a promise and she kept it. As did he to her. He didn't live to see the day I finally could stay for good and all. Which is something he dearly wished could happen.” She took a deep, slow breath and took the plunge. “Sir Leon, I've been willing myself to live beyond my time since I stayed here. Now that you know what I'm waiting for, What are you?”

Sir Leon rushed to the court physician's chambers and pounded on the door. “Come in.” Was the simple reply from within the doors. When the solider had entered and quietly shut the door behind him he quickly saw that the young man, Merlin was the only one in the room. And that even though his head was in a book, his mind and heart were far away. For a moment he wished he hadn't come here with this suspicion in his heart. But there were too many questions that needed answers...and only one answer he knew for any of it.

“Is Gaius out?” Was the only thing the knight could think to say.

“He's with a patient, but I can fetch him if he's needed.” The servant answered simply.

“No that's alright.” Sir Leon replied hurriedly. “Actually I came to talk with you.”

A mild look of surprise crossed the pale face of the...whatever and whoever he was. “And you don't think Gaius should hear? I can think of only one thing that could have – well that could explain both this and the extreme distress on your face. I just hope I'm wrong.”

“Believe it or not Merlin, so do I.” A few seconds of silence passed.

“So, which of us will actually broach the subject?” Merlin intoned in a deadpan voice.

“I was seriously hoping you would.” The knight admitted gently.

“You think I'm a sorcerer and a liar.” Merlin offered plainly.

“Well, no. I don't think you're a liar.” Sir Leon responded softly. “But I think you have magic in your body and have used everything about who you are to fight that reality...or label.”

“We really should go to my room to discuss this further. Or I could try a useful bit of magic.” At first Sir Leon didn't seem able to comprehend the meaning behind this statement. The answer came completely unbidden, and straight to Sir Leon's mind.“I can simply tell you this way, but I don't think I can maintain it for long. And Gaius knows when I'm messing around like this.”

“...Then let's just go outside far from anywhere or anyone. I'll run interference with Arthur if he comes looking for you.”

“Actually, for as long as Sasha is ill I have a bit of free time from my normal duties. I know that Arthur understands how much she and I mean to each-other.” The knight fidgeted where he stood. “What's wrong? Surely you've seen that Sasha and I are dear to each-other...Or has someone besides me finally realized that she's not simply ill?”

“It's more that last part.” Leon admitted coolly. “I didn't know until about an hour ago that she was more than simply ill. And in the course of that conversation I learned almost as much about You as I did about her. She was about to tell me something that I'm sure would have answered a lot of the doubts and confusions I've had over the past few weeks. But she stopped herself, saying that you obviously trusted her judgment and thus she must trust yours. She left enough of an impression in my head that the only explanation I could think of for her sudden silence, but obvious yearning for openness, was that you had a secret to which she was privy, but could not bring yourself to mention to anyone else. And something else she told me, something she said would have happened, told me Arthur needed to know this but didn't yet.”

“Which was?” Merlin prompted.

“She would have sent Arthur to you with confirmed knowledge of your loyalty and trust. That is she would have told Arthur that much and he would have sought you out to confirm it. And somehow that would have prompted you to say something, particular. The trust and friendship you have would've been deepened.”

“And this was the only thing you could think of to fit that pattern.” Merlin breathed heavily. “Well now that you know you're right, what do you intend to do?”

“Find out from you whether you're more like Sasha or like Morgouse.” The knight responded simply. “Actually never mind. I know you're more like Sasha, because she has such unswerving loyalty and faith with you. My question is, why not tell Arthur what you are...and what your very life is proof of?”

“...Do you mean, that not all those with magic are enemies of this kingdom and that I'm more a servant than a sorcerer?” At the knight's nod, Merlin stood up, raised his left hand above his head, palm up. At the same time he dropped his right hand to near his waist, palm down. In one motion he brought them both eye-level and pushed them, palms out, in front of him.

“What just happened?” Sir Leon questioned with a small bit of wonder in his face.

“I've set a cloak of silence around this room, or at least around the two of us. We cannot be overheard or interrupted.” Merlin answered simply. “I will say plainly that you are both right and wrong. I am Arthur's servant, protector and friend. I don't use this reality to fight being a sorcerer. I use being a sorcerer to aid my mission to help Arthur. Now, what are you here to find out?”

“What you think would happen if you ever did admit your powers to Arthur.” Sir Leon replied at once. “And what all you can do and have been doing to help him in his quest for peace and unity.”

“First tell me what brought this to your attention.” Merlin declared.

“You saw through both the witch-finder and Morgouse. You were so reserved and secretive after Morganna came back that once she showed her true colors I had to believe you at least suspected the truth. But you've been a loyal servant and source of encouragement to Arthur this whole time...as far as I can see. But that's what I've recently noticed that led me to this conclusion. What brought this to my attention, made things so suddenly apparent was the knowledge and inference that Sasha wants you to TELL Arthur something; an admission, not a confrontation. In light of everything else, as I turned to leave a very quiet young woman to pass gently, I was pretty sure this was it.”

“Well I suppose that's just a matter of...What in the name of sanity is going on here?!” Merlin yelped.

“What do you mean my friend?' Sir Leon asked simply.

“I have it on fairly good authority that Gaius is the only one in this city who both can and would ever make a declaration like that about another soul. And I seriously doubt..” Merlin never finished that thought. “Do you think she's passing away right now?” He finished instead.

“She's weak, and growing more faint and lean. She can't even make her coffees anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if she passes within a day or two.” Sir Leon answered with blunt honesty.

“Then I need to end this talk and go up to her and keep as close a vigil as I can.”

“I thought you said you have leave from Arthur to stay by her side.” A confounded Leon responded.

“She doesn't want anyone, especially Merlin to see her this weak and weary.” The cold voice of King Arthur interjected. No one moved a muscle for several seconds.

“Merlin I think this will be a good time for me to get out of here.” Sir Leon suggested in a rushed voice. “With your leave Arthur?” He added. The king nodded and the knight bowed his head and departed.

“How long have you been standing there?” Merlin inquired, barely raising his eyes to Arthur's throat.

“Long enough to know that either the two of you were in a trance, or something stranger than that was going on. I pounded on the door but no one answered. I assume something was or is seriously wrong.”

“Something is definitely wrong Sire.” Merlin admitted in a solemn tone. “But not because of that trance. I am responsible for that.”

“Merlin you are confusing me.” The king stated, shaking his head and his short blonde locks with it.

“Mi-lord, I initiated that trance with Sir Leon. It was the best way I knew not to be overheard. I never considered it would make me blind to my surroundings.”

“You are learning magic?” Arthur's voice was more curious and puzzled than angry or troubled.

At least his friend heard it that way. “It goes deeper than that. I have magic in my very being. I just learnt... alright I can tell something is wrong beyond shock at this revelation.”

“Just, tell me plainly whatever is on your mind and heart.” The King stated firmly.

“I've always had magic in the fabric of my being. I'm living proof that not all wizards want destruction or death. I'm quite probably more of a coward than you ever thought of me...for keeping this from you.”

The young king starred at the even younger man. “Merlin, assuming you're not just pulling wool over my eyes or pulling my leg, I can never call you a coward again!”

“No one would be foolish enough to joke about this.” Merlin stated firmly. In a moment he pressed on. “And I hate to admit it but now you are confusing me.”

“To keep this a secret may have been cowardice Merlin, or self preservation. That doesn't really matter. What matters to me is what would have been needful for you to tell me to my face.”

“Um, clarify please.” Merlin intoned.

“I mean, for you to walk up to my chambers and flat out tell me this as an admission.”

Merlin fidgeted where he stood. “Well that's actually part of what Sir Leon and I were talking about.” He said joylessly. “He had a suspicion that I had magic. He said he knew I was more a friend and an ally to you than anyone else with magic he'd ever heard of. He said I was living proof that not all wizards want destruction or death. And wondered, that being the case, why I didn't flat out tell you. Right here and now I swear to you, if my oath means anything..”

“It does.” Arthur stated coolly.

“..that other than the simple reality that I didn't know if we could still be...as we are...after this revelation, I had NOTHING keeping me from showing you this openly.”

“And that is exactly why you are not a coward.” Arthur suggested blithely. “Well that and to stay with me under my father, and even after his death. Also admitting to this now is not cowardice unless it's being done out of fear. Which, IS that it?”

“Obligation yes, fear? Not really no.” Merlin replied simply. “I take it you also had a conversation with Sasha recently?” Merlin prodded with a slight smile on his face. His friend simply stared at him. “That's what brought Sir Leon here and I can think of nothing else that would have cooled your thoughts about sorcery.”

“Learning that even my father made an exception for Sasha might have had something to do with it?” Arthur answered in affirmation. “Learning that Sasha was staying silent about your secret not you about hers. That was the main event about it. There aren't very many secrets that would require such staunch adherence and resolve as what she's had for you.”

Merlin's smile grew, but a moment later he hung his head again. When his liege asked him about it, there was only one honest answer he could think of. “Actually Arthur, assuming I'm interpreting your words correctly I should say one thing. Sasha and I are friends because we both believe in hope, equality and the evidence of our eyes...not because we both have magic...Arthur whatever else you say or do to me, please know that I would ne-ver use my powers against you. I still claim and profess what tried to tell you all those years ago. I AM happy to be who and what I am...til the day I die.”

“He-he. Noted Merlin. But I think we should both go up to see Sasha through the last few moments or days of her life. And this time we will both listen to her final words.”

“Okay I can take a guess.” Merlin prompted as they turned to leave the room, side by side.

King Arthur smiled broadly at his friend. “Last time she was dying it was in a prison cell and she was still so careful with her words. Now we are both ready for this...and I think she knows she can speak openly.” He didn't say anything more until they were almost to Sasha's room. “Merlin, what did you expect from me?”

“I didn't have any specific expectations.” Merlin answered at once. “I mean I had rather assumed you'd be furious at a liar like me, if not at the fact that I was a sorcerer and everything that usually entailed. I had hoped to make one thing clear: I am who I am whether I can move things with my mind or not.”

“And what is that? I mean what and who do you see yourself as?” Arthur's question had come on the heels of Merlin's last response. For some reason, Merlin was having trouble finding an answer that fit.

“I...Some combination of a servant, a protector and a friend...I mean our history is more complicated than you knew, but I never lied to you about anything.”

“Except what you even were.” Arthur persisted.

At which point showed up in front of them. I could tell from Merlin's face that my face was either completely pink or pale as oatmeal. “I think he means that he is happy to be your servant til the day he dies. He's always told you to trust in yourself, to do what you believe is right not what your father or even either of us would have you do...though our opinion and your own usually went hand in hand. For his sake I'll not explain what four words convinced me of this. He has always put your well being ahead of his own...that wasn't a lie.”

I folded my hands as though in a prayer to indicate the story was over-with. Arthur sat there puzzled for a very short period of time. “What four words?” He asked me curtly.

“I should have expected that.” I told him simply. After a few seconds I answered him in a rush. “Merlin once told an evil sorcerer that he didn't want to lord his power over people, especially not over you. It was suggested that...well the four words were 'I don't want that'. As long as he keeps his heart as I've always seen it; a servant's heart and a loyal one, I'll follow him to the death. As he obviously would for you.”

“Alright, now I really am listening intently.” Arthur breathed.

The conversation lasted for hours. It was as close to an honest report on the question of what makes a person who they are as one would ever want to hear. It didn't detail anything Merlin had done with his magic to help Arthur, only what Merlin had told Arthur as an advisor: to trust in himself, in his own beliefs. It ended thus.

“Sire, there's one other thing that really needs saying. But I don't have Merlin's consent for it yet.”

“You really do follow him in all things don't you.” Arthur stated solemnly.

Sasha couldn't tell if this was a question, an assumption or a taunt. Assuming it wasn't the latter-most, she began. “I trust his judgment as devoutly and unswervingly as he trusts you, yes. But that's not my only reason for holding back. He needs to offer this knowledge and explanation...or it's just hearsay and slander.”

At what Sasha judged to be the most inconvenient time ever they heard Merlin's voice interject. “Arthur there you are what have you been...up to.”

At once Sasha stood up and stared her first friend in the face.“Merlin we are both in very deep trouble. And I was about to be in worse trouble than you are.”

“Then I showed up at exactly the right time.” Merlin stated firmly, but with a confidence he obviously did not feel. He looked his more easy going friend in the eyes with a serious question.

“Arthur didn't remember what we thought he knew.” Sasha stated unwavering. “I filled him in on the conversations we thought we'd had. Something else needs to be said even so. He needs to know something I...” Sasha looked sad and took a breath. “He needs to know what the Kalex and Aggrivane obviously knew.”

This statement seemed to be too much for Arthur's brain, and his patience. “What in the name of anything are you talking about? What's the Kalex...and what does my uncle have to do with anything?”

Merlin looked crestfallen. “The Kalex was a gate-keeper to the spirit world. I think she told Morganna about 'the one they call Emrys' and it became an obsession for her. To my understanding Morganna has never figured out that 'the most troublesome serving boy I've ever known' could be the one she was told to fear. Aggrivane figured it out moments before his treachery killed him. Almost everyone with magic knows...I AM Emrys.”