“Sasha, why has it taken you this long to bring this up?” Was King Arthur's only reaction to his younger friend's suggestion, which she made promptly at breakfast the next day.
“I've never had this much of a reason to give Merlin a break from his duties and, honestly, I don't think you have either.” It was a not so veiled reference to Arthur's joke about Merlin's place at his side. But Arthur didn't seem to appreciate the reference.
“You mean this might help me out as much as it'll help explain things to Jayden?” He replied stiffly.
“I mean Riker will want to learn things from you just as Merlin wants to learn things from Jayden And the exchanges of information will be true exchanges.”
Jayden and Riker were seated at one of the longer tables with Percival and Sir Leon at the time. So they didn't hear any of this. When they saw Arthur bend his head in deep thought, then wave his hand to dismiss Merlin, they assumed the answer was in the affirmative. A few minutes later all five of them gathered in the great hall. Sasha suggested she, Riker and Arthur should ride out to a fork in the road to have their conversation, while Merlin and Jayden could go wherever they felt would suit their comfort and need. It was a n idea warmly supported by the others. Not two hours later the three riders departed, at an easy pace.
“I'm really not sure where to go from here.” Sasha mentioned once they were completely out of town.
“Really, you're the one who suggested it.” Arthur prodded.
“I know where I want to end up. I never...How did you actually GET to that split in the road when you and Merlin were following a horse?” Arthur's ears turned pink and he tried his best to hide it from his guest.
“I'm going to assume that's a private joke between the two of you.” Riker stated, as though in passing.
“I'll let that go for now.” Arthur eventually replied. “We have other business.”
Not thirty minutes later Arthur pulled his horse to a complete stop and invited his friends to do the same. “This is where the ambush happened. I'll assume that's what you referred to.”
“If I understand you at all correctly and am not missing anything, yes.” Sasha replied, almost testily. She walked up to the fire pit, propped the sticks she'd brought with her into a tall triangle and lit them with what Arthur took to be magic, but was really just a spark jug.
“Okay maybe you're not who I thought you were.” Riker intoned gently.
“I have three older sisters you know.” Sasha replied with a grin.
“Now I don't understand.” Arthur stated impatiently.
Without instruction all of them sat down for the long and messy conversation they all knew would follow. But let's see what Jayden and Merlin were up to. We can return to this place again later.
“Merlin I am confused by you.” Jayden admitted softly as they made their way to the north-most room in the entire castle, in other words, to Sasha's room.
“I can assure you the feeling is mutual.” Merlin answered in what was meant to be a casual voice.
“Where are we going?” The stranger continued, unabated.
“The only place in this whole city I know we won't be overheard.” Came the instant reply.
Once they were seated across the short table from each-other, so that the impromptu bed was on Merlin's left and Jayden's right, Merlin lost absolutely no time in posing the question that was on his mind.
“What are you sir?”
“Why do you believe I am anything but what you are?”
“I uh...I meant to ask your condition...your situation.” Merlin openly lied.
“I am Will Riker's equal and his friend. We are not equal in all things but...” Right about there the true meaning of Merlin's question dawned in his mind. “...I repeat my question.” Was all he said in response.
“I scanned the surface of your and Riker's minds. I couldn't see anything in yours except a desire to be understood and to understand. Commander Riker held these same concerns, but his admiration for our 'little world' nearly drowned them, as it were. Also you both must follow a very strict set of rules.”
“Little wonder Arthur seems to rely on you concerning visitors.” Data, as was his true name, interpreted, not bothering to remark on the proper use of Will Riker's rank.
“HE doesn't know I do it. For that matter, I don't usually use my gifts that way. You and Will behaved so oddly, not the least around Sasha herself, I wanted to learn for myself what could be the issue.”
“Why would you not tell your liege about your gifts?” The other man stated, bluntly curious. “For that matter, why is it such a secret?”
“I uh, I seriously don't understand your confusion.” Merlin admitted softly.
“We are not from this island. I had assumed this place...Camelot in particular...was blessed by magic.”
“Your assumption was very much incorrect.” Merlin near-laughed. “Magic is punishable by death in Camelot and under Arthur's father, that was usually the result. Because he learned what I am, Arthur has tried to be more tolerant of 'the old ways', but he still hasn't made it any less of a crime...not for good and all.”
“So, if I may ask, who already knows the truth? I would assume Sasha learned it somehow.”
“Sasha has always known, since the first time we actually met.” Merlin answered, now clearly laughing. “Sir Leon just found out a day or so ago and Arthur was told over six weeks ago.”
Jayden decided to take a moment to consider everything that had happened in his visit. After a long pause of thought, he stated in a defeated voice.“You have trusted me. I would be most unfair not to 'open up' to you.”
“I don't want you to say anything you are not comfortable sharing with me.” Merlin insisted.
“That is a part of it unto itself. I have no concept of comfort, or emotion or even taste. I may refer to Dr Soong as my father but it is a figure of speech...I am a constructed being. I do not know if I have a soul, so please do not ask. I have free will and I am not indebted to anyone except my captain. So much is...accepted.”
To Data's surprise and lasting confusion he found Merlin laughing again. For a moment, he was convinced he was being laughed at. And when Merlin had regained control he explained. “My friend as long as you can say with a straight face that you have a conscience and can understand loyalty I don't care what you are.”
“Both of which I can assure you, I do.” Data replied almost at once.
“I have to tell you though. According to Sasha I'm the most open, fair minded person in this kingdom. It's one of the reasons we are such great friends. I wouldn't risk letting anyone else know about this. You might get beheaded as a product of magic, or a souless monster.”
Data stared. “Forgive me but I have never been so easily accepted by someone who lived as you do.”
“What, in fear for their lives if anyone figured out the truth of their existence? Do you simply mean 'as primitive as this'.” A single look from Data answered his question quite completely. “In a twisted, round about sort of way, I've had a 'head's up' about your existence, and the reality of your construction. Just not about your coming here, or even that you could or would.”
“Please elaborate.” The android intoned.
“Do you really live on a ship in a sea of stars?” Merlin replied. Data did not verbally respond. “I'll take that as a yes. Captain Picard must rely on your fair judgment the way Arthur relies on mine.”
At that exact moment Will Riker was having a very similar conversation with his new friends. One that very nearly ended the same way.
“Grace, Sophia, and Elizabeth are my older sisters, but we all look so much alike to most people, we get confused with each other all the time. It has been my belief since Riker and Jayden showed up here that they know one of these sisters, and mistook me for her.”
“Grace visits us all the time.” Riker said plainly. “If you're not her, how did you know about Jayden?”
“Because I've learned to tell pretty fast if I can trust a person or what motivates them.” The young woman answered easily. “Most of what I've said about him falls under that category. And while I am not Grace, we share stories of our adventures with each other...in a very personal way. Also hearing you call him by his proper name, made everything else fall into place.”
“What 'proper name'?” Arthur insisted.
“Jayden is a name a group of villagers once gave my friend.” Riker answered at once. “His name as he himself chose it is 'Data'. It is simply another word for information or knowledge.”
“Who would choose that as their own identifier?” Arthur pondered aloud.
“At the time there was nothing about him he felt was more important for him.” Will answered in a harsh tone. “And his thirst for information and knowledge is very much one of his more defining qualities.” He turned from Arthur to Sasha. “You were right at that.”
“I said he's human in every way that matters. I never said he was actually flesh and blood.”
Riker seemed ready to faint at those words. “Why would you do that?” He inquired of Sasha. Who it seemed, did not understand the objection.
“Well he wasn't there at that statement I'll grant you, but it's perfectly true and relevant is it not?”
“I mean why would you destroy...Well I'm not even sure how to go about this.”
Right there Sasha saw the assumption. And decided to let her friend know she did not take the accusation well. Drawing herself to her full ramrod height, or as much as she could sitting down she stated. “William T. Riker, how in the name of sanity do you think you got here?” She checked herself a moment later. “I would think that knowledge unto itself would tell you I'M the one taking responsibility for this mess?”
“And she is not your friend Grace.” Arthur added as though his mouth were on automatic. “Although I must admit I don't entirely understand the issue at hand.”
Sasha took a deep breath to calm herself and turned to the king. “His people's curiosity got the better of them on so many occasions, they created this cardinal rule of not getting involved in other cultures. At least, unless external forces are responsible for the problem or some one in said culture made a direct request for help. He was certain it applied here and failed to consider his people had very little to do with what I've been telling you these past few days. And I have no such directive.”
Arthur looked uncertain. “Okay I'll accept that for now, but what does it mean 'how you got here'?”
Sasha almost hung her head. “That was actually my own missed perception. I don't know how they got here and had assumed something about it. I had also assumed that if I was right it somehow negated his directive. And no, I did not bring them here. Neither, I assume, did Grace. But I am grateful to see for myself the truth of a story I once told my young friend. I wonder if he's noticed that by now.”
“I hope we are at peace.” Riker stated calmly. “Jayden and I with you, Sasha as well as with the people of this kingdom. I would prefer to stay for a while and learn more of the truth surrounding your place hand your friends hereabout. I almost wish it wasn't already time to go home.”
“Sir, I hope you're not rushing out because of me?” Sasha offered.
“Or my own lack of manners.” Arthur added.
“It's nothing like that. We're on a tighter schedule than I let on before. It's time to head back to the ship, if not really head home.” Riker stated, somewhat sardonically.
Sasha looked surprisingly grim.“I sincerely wish you would be empowered and direct your own path. And do I assume correctly you would prefer to slip away practically unnoticed?” Riker nodded. “I think that's more than fine. As far as no pomp, circumstance or otherwise fanfare-y farewell. But do not vanish or disappear. Those you have met here would like, if not need the chance to say goodbye...yes? She insisted to Arthur, who nodded his assent. “Then on that part there is no issue.”
“Where IS there an issue?” Arthur and Riker stated simultaneously.
“I still feel like I'm scaring you off.” Sasha admitted glumly.
“And you haven't answered my original question.” Riker intoned.
“I assumed the question was nullified when you realized I wasn't Grace.” Sasha offered.
“Well the apparent contradiction was answered. I'd still like to know from you who you are to them?”
Sasha stood up and answered in a firm and quiet tone. “Until recently I was a constant visitor with a mask of happiness or dignity. Except to Merlin. He and I became close not so much because of that, as the fact that we both believed in equality, justice and the evidence of our own eyes. That friendship was only strengthened when I finally came to stay here for good and all.” Sasha's words seemed rehearsed and blank to Riker's ears. A fact which he quickly made public. Arthur nodded in agreement. The statement simply made Sasha grin.
“I've had time to come up with an answer for whenever this finally came to light. That is I was anticipating being able to stay here for good and all since I had two of four years of visiting under my belt. And I wasn't sure if these admissions would precipitate finding a place to call home, or if finding a place to call home would finally take down my guard enough to admit them. Arthur likes me because he knows I understand what I'm talking about...when I bother to speak up at all. To answer what I now know is a bigger part of your question: I've only for certain lived here for about eight weeks, maybe ten. I came here so often before, they could tell it was as much home to me as anywhere I've been. I'm their friend and defender against ignorance and true stupidity. I'm no more capable of physical combat than Grace was...and no less their friend than she was to you.”
“Which Merlin has been for a long time.” Arthur muttered to himself.
“Unquestionably.” Sasha agreed with feeling, for the moment not caring what exactly Arthur had just realized. “But Riker, consider the possibility that this isn't where you think it is. Your first impression of us was mythical and magical at the same time, yes?” And without waiting for a reply she continued. “This is exactly what it seems like. I mean this place really is exactly what it seems like to you. I wish you luck on your journey, any further interference from you because of me, or vice versa would be...exactly that.”
“We better get back to Camelot and Jayden and I better get out of here.” Riker stated. It was an assertion warmly and fervently supported by the others present. “Sasha, do you have Grace's ability..”
“My traveler's gifts as I called them don't work now that I've settled down, unless it affects and is for the sake of my first friend. So not unless Merlin specifically asks for it...if he thinks it would heal something, then no. and right now I doubt it would help or solve a-ny-thing.”
The trip back to the castle was at an easy pace and silent.
“So what do you make of this place Data?” Riker asked his friend as soon as they were alone in their quarters again. Having shared their experiences, they had yet to come to a shared conclusion.
“It is simply another example of parallel planet development. For some reason one of Grace's siblings decided to settle here. Either that or we've gone back in time and the myth-historic legends of Merlin and Arthur and the knights were flatly wrong.”
“I'd rather believe the former. Especially since we've very much upset the balance of this place.”
“Commander I believe Sasha was correct. She is responsible for changing this sociopolitical climate. We just helped the shift further along.”
“Well yeah. I guess we should be grateful she told the story of your hearing as a story.”
Data looked at Riker, hesitating.“Commander, how did you choose the name you gave them as my own?”
“It's what the villagers on Barkon Four called you. Which I know you don't remember.”
“Yes, a sad reversal of my encounter with Sarjenka. I was the one with no memories of my friendship or impact.” Data replied, almost mournfully. “I suppose it makes sense, it is a name that has been used for me. And obviously it fooled enough of them...But not Sasha herself.”
“It was not meant to deceive her.” Riker mused. “Only to let her know I could still be careful.”
The visitors had gone home. Their last wish had been easily fulfilled: they'd left without a word to anyone. Merlin was asleep, or at least unreachable. Which left Sasha the only person Arthur could ask to settle his muddled mind. Which was fine; she knew more of this truth than Merlin.
“Sasha, what was all of that?” Arthur asked her in private.
“Which part?” Sasha asked with an obvious desire not to say more than was needed.
“Can you really not use magic unless Merlin asks you?” Arthur clarified.
“Of course my friend. I thought you knew that.” Sasha paused and studied Arthur's stoic face. “But that's not what's troubling you, is it?”
“What magic was he asking you to use?” The King persisted.
“I believe Riker wanted me to avoid breaking his own cardinal rule by making you forget that whole conversation. He failed to realize that leaving such a big gap in your head would itself cause damage and irrevocable changes to this place.”
“Yeah if things are going to change, there better be an explanation for it.” Arthur reiterated.
“That's my thinking exactly. Besides, with one exception, I've never thought of using my powers that way, ever.” Sasha stated matter of factly.
“What exception?!” Arthur pressed.
“I never actually did it. But if Sir Leon hadn't taken the news well, and if it had happened any earlier than it did, I would have wiped it from his mind. Believe it or not, even though he's only known that particular secret for a couple of days, known it for sure I mean...” At that point she seemed to think she'd said too much and closed her mouth, but continued to stare King Arthur in the face.
“You think Sir Leon has um...had his suspicions...for some time?” Arthur asked bluntly.
“Yes sire.” Sasha stated in a tone to suggest she thought she was in trouble...or was about to be.
“What if I had figured it out. Or I couldn't handle it. Would you have taken the knowledge from me?”
“My king,” The young woman stated coolly. “I'm still trying to figure out how you learned the truth in the first place.” Arthur stared at her, open mouthed. “And the answer to your question is no.”
Arthur was quiet for a long time after this. Convinced she had said something wrong, without any real clue as to what, Sasha remained seated and silent. Her original assertion about being in trouble was quickly confirmed as Arthur stood his highest and straightest and asked. “It wasn't your own secret was it?”
A ringing silence fell.
“I honestly need to know. I've known for ages you had magic so your secrecy made no sense to me.”
“You don't remember it?” Sasha pressed.
“Remember WHAT?” Arthur yelped.
“Okay forgive me but I have to be certain. What did you just figure out?”
“The only thing that would have you this mortified. Merlin has magic.”
“Okay, since we are now for the most part on the same page, let me fill in the blanks. And don't you dare interrupt me with more questions.” Sasha stated coldly. King Arthur simply nodded his head. “You did discover Merlin's secret. We thought you did. I've lived the past six weeks thinking you remembered that encounter. In which, by the way, you walked in on Merlin's mind to mind conversation with Sir Leon and took the news a little too well. But such a secret could never be that quickly or easily accepted. So together Merlin and I broke the illusion of those conversations. After the vision faded Merlin walked up to your room, flat out told you his secret and you told him to go to bed with as close to a 'mind at peace' as he could. I guess now the entire thing was someone pulling the wool over my and Merlin's eyes...the lie was not just the original vision.”
“So that's why Merlin's been more relaxed around me these past weeks?” Arthur concluded aloud.
“He thinks you've come to accept him for who and what he is...accepted why he does these things and what all he can do. It would naturally have put him at ease.”
Arthur started to turn away, toward the door. Sasha reached out her arm toward him. “Milord please rest on this a while before you do anything to Merlin. And when you do talk to him directly, please let him know I'm the one who messed up.”
The king stopped in his tracks and turned toward her. “I would think you'd want your part in this hidden.”
“Are you kidding me? The alternatives being Sir Leon really taking this badly or Commander Riker letting this slip? I'll take the blame for what I actually am responsible for.” Sasha answered briskly. “Besides, I hope I can help you to see why Merlin does what he does and that what he is, as far as being a sorcerer, is only a small part of the who of his being.”
Arthur sat down at the small table. “I'm listening.”
“I think the best way to show you this would be to literally show you the vision we both experienced. That way nothing is missing or clung to.”
“You said you couldn't do that anymore.” Arthur reminded me.
“In that case I'll tell it to you. And you had better be still and listen intently.” I answered him.
“He nodded and I began the story again.
“...Why do you call yourself Sasha?” Sir Leon asked of his friend.
She smiled at him from her couch.“Gwaine gave me that name, when I asked him for one. It means inner beauty. Why do you ask about that all over again?”
“That's actually not what I mean.” The knight admitted humbly. When you first came here you were calling yourself 'Nikita'. Why not keep that name?”
“Because as such Nikita was executed.” The young woman answered firmly. “Gaius, Uther, Arthur and Merlin all saw her through her last moments in this life, and she died. It was as close a call as I've ever made. She had to either die a natural death or face execution as a sorceress. And Uther let her pass naturally and in her cell. She came back to life, I came back to life. But I couldn't call myself by that same name.”
Sir Leon could barely believe what he was hearing.“Are you saying Uther knew about your magic all the times that you visited Camelot?”
Sasha smiled at him kindly. “Of course. She made him a promise and she kept it. As did he to her. He didn't live to see the day I finally could stay for good and all. Which is something he dearly wished could happen.” She took a deep, slow breath and took the plunge. “Sir Leon, I've been willing myself to live beyond my time since I stayed here. Now that you know what I'm waiting for, What are you?”
Sir Leon rushed to the court physician's chambers and pounded on the door. “Come in.” Was the simple reply from within the doors. When the solider had entered and quietly shut the door behind him he quickly saw that the young man, Merlin was the only one in the room. And that even though his head was in a book, his mind and heart were far away. For a moment he wished he hadn't come here with this suspicion in his heart. But there were too many questions that needed answers...and only one answer he knew for any of it.
“Is Gaius out?” Was the only thing the knight could think to say.
“He's with a patient, but I can fetch him if he's needed.” The servant answered simply.
“No that's alright.” Sir Leon replied hurriedly. “Actually I came to talk with you.”
A mild look of surprise crossed the pale face of the...whatever and whoever he was. “And you don't think Gaius should hear? I can think of only one thing that could have – well that could explain both this and the extreme distress on your face. I just hope I'm wrong.”
“Believe it or not Merlin, so do I.” A few seconds of silence passed.
“So, which of us will actually broach the subject?” Merlin intoned in a deadpan voice.
“I was seriously hoping you would.” The knight admitted gently.
“You think I'm a sorcerer and a liar.” Merlin offered plainly.
“Well, no. I don't think you're a liar.” Sir Leon responded softly. “But I think you have magic in your body and have used everything about who you are to fight that reality...or label.”
“We really should go to my room to discuss this further. Or I could try a useful bit of magic.” At first Sir Leon didn't seem able to comprehend the meaning behind this statement. The answer came completely unbidden, and straight to Sir Leon's mind.“I can simply tell you this way, but I don't think I can maintain it for long. And Gaius knows when I'm messing around like this.”
“...Then let's just go outside far from anywhere or anyone. I'll run interference with Arthur if he comes looking for you.”
“Actually, for as long as Sasha is ill I have a bit of free time from my normal duties. I know that Arthur understands how much she and I mean to each-other.” The knight fidgeted where he stood. “What's wrong? Surely you've seen that Sasha and I are dear to each-other...Or has someone besides me finally realized that she's not simply ill?”
“It's more that last part.” Leon admitted coolly. “I didn't know until about an hour ago that she was more than simply ill. And in the course of that conversation I learned almost as much about You as I did about her. She was about to tell me something that I'm sure would have answered a lot of the doubts and confusions I've had over the past few weeks. But she stopped herself, saying that you obviously trusted her judgment and thus she must trust yours. She left enough of an impression in my head that the only explanation I could think of for her sudden silence, but obvious yearning for openness, was that you had a secret to which she was privy, but could not bring yourself to mention to anyone else. And something else she told me, something she said would have happened, told me Arthur needed to know this but didn't yet.”
“Which was?” Merlin prompted.
“She would have sent Arthur to you with confirmed knowledge of your loyalty and trust. That is she would have told Arthur that much and he would have sought you out to confirm it. And somehow that would have prompted you to say something, particular. The trust and friendship you have would've been deepened.”
“And this was the only thing you could think of to fit that pattern.” Merlin breathed heavily. “Well now that you know you're right, what do you intend to do?”
“Find out from you whether you're more like Sasha or like Morgouse.” The knight responded simply. “Actually never mind. I know you're more like Sasha, because she has such unswerving loyalty and faith with you. My question is, why not tell Arthur what you are...and what your very life is proof of?”
“...Do you mean, that not all those with magic are enemies of this kingdom and that I'm more a servant than a sorcerer?” At the knight's nod, Merlin stood up, raised his left hand above his head, palm up. At the same time he dropped his right hand to near his waist, palm down. In one motion he brought them both eye-level and pushed them, palms out, in front of him.
“What just happened?” Sir Leon questioned with a small bit of wonder in his face.
“I've set a cloak of silence around this room, or at least around the two of us. We cannot be overheard or interrupted.” Merlin answered simply. “I will say plainly that you are both right and wrong. I am Arthur's servant, protector and friend. I don't use this reality to fight being a sorcerer. I use being a sorcerer to aid my mission to help Arthur. Now, what are you here to find out?”
“What you think would happen if you ever did admit your powers to Arthur.” Sir Leon replied at once. “And what all you can do and have been doing to help him in his quest for peace and unity.”
“First tell me what brought this to your attention.” Merlin declared.
“You saw through both the witch-finder and Morgouse. You were so reserved and secretive after Morganna came back that once she showed her true colors I had to believe you at least suspected the truth. But you've been a loyal servant and source of encouragement to Arthur this whole time...as far as I can see. But that's what I've recently noticed that led me to this conclusion. What brought this to my attention, made things so suddenly apparent was the knowledge and inference that Sasha wants you to TELL Arthur something; an admission, not a confrontation. In light of everything else, as I turned to leave a very quiet young woman to pass gently, I was pretty sure this was it.”
“Well I suppose that's just a matter of...What in the name of sanity is going on here?!” Merlin yelped.
“What do you mean my friend?' Sir Leon asked simply.
“I have it on fairly good authority that Gaius is the only one in this city who both can and would ever make a declaration like that about another soul. And I seriously doubt..” Merlin never finished that thought. “Do you think she's passing away right now?” He finished instead.
“She's weak, and growing more faint and lean. She can't even make her coffees anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if she passes within a day or two.” Sir Leon answered with blunt honesty.
“Then I need to end this talk and go up to her and keep as close a vigil as I can.”
“I thought you said you have leave from Arthur to stay by her side.” A confounded Leon responded.
“She doesn't want anyone, especially Merlin to see her this weak and weary.” The cold voice of King Arthur interjected. No one moved a muscle for several seconds.
“Merlin I think this will be a good time for me to get out of here.” Sir Leon suggested in a rushed voice. “With your leave Arthur?” He added. The king nodded and the knight bowed his head and departed.
“How long have you been standing there?” Merlin inquired, barely raising his eyes to Arthur's throat.
“Long enough to know that either the two of you were in a trance, or something stranger than that was going on. I pounded on the door but no one answered. I assume something was or is seriously wrong.”
“Something is definitely wrong Sire.” Merlin admitted in a solemn tone. “But not because of that trance. I am responsible for that.”
“Merlin you are confusing me.” The king stated, shaking his head and his short blonde locks with it.
“Mi-lord, I initiated that trance with Sir Leon. It was the best way I knew not to be overheard. I never considered it would make me blind to my surroundings.”
“You are learning magic?” Arthur's voice was more curious and puzzled than angry or troubled.
At least his friend heard it that way. “It goes deeper than that. I have magic in my very being. I just learnt... alright I can tell something is wrong beyond shock at this revelation.”
“Just, tell me plainly whatever is on your mind and heart.” The King stated firmly.
“I've always had magic in the fabric of my being. I'm living proof that not all wizards want destruction or death. I'm quite probably more of a coward than you ever thought of me...for keeping this from you.”
The young king starred at the even younger man. “Merlin, assuming you're not just pulling wool over my eyes or pulling my leg, I can never call you a coward again!”
“No one would be foolish enough to joke about this.” Merlin stated firmly. In a moment he pressed on. “And I hate to admit it but now you are confusing me.”
“To keep this a secret may have been cowardice Merlin, or self preservation. That doesn't really matter. What matters to me is what would have been needful for you to tell me to my face.”
“Um, clarify please.” Merlin intoned.
“I mean, for you to walk up to my chambers and flat out tell me this as an admission.”
Merlin fidgeted where he stood. “Well that's actually part of what Sir Leon and I were talking about.” He said joylessly. “He had a suspicion that I had magic. He said he knew I was more a friend and an ally to you than anyone else with magic he'd ever heard of. He said I was living proof that not all wizards want destruction or death. And wondered, that being the case, why I didn't flat out tell you. Right here and now I swear to you, if my oath means anything..”
“It does.” Arthur stated coolly.
“..that other than the simple reality that I didn't know if we could still be...as we are...after this revelation, I had NOTHING keeping me from showing you this openly.”
“And that is exactly why you are not a coward.” Arthur suggested blithely. “Well that and to stay with me under my father, and even after his death. Also admitting to this now is not cowardice unless it's being done out of fear. Which, IS that it?”
“Obligation yes, fear? Not really no.” Merlin replied simply. “I take it you also had a conversation with Sasha recently?” Merlin prodded with a slight smile on his face. His friend simply stared at him. “That's what brought Sir Leon here and I can think of nothing else that would have cooled your thoughts about sorcery.”
“Learning that even my father made an exception for Sasha might have had something to do with it?” Arthur answered in affirmation. “Learning that Sasha was staying silent about your secret not you about hers. That was the main event about it. There aren't very many secrets that would require such staunch adherence and resolve as what she's had for you.”
Merlin's smile grew, but a moment later he hung his head again. When his liege asked him about it, there was only one honest answer he could think of. “Actually Arthur, assuming I'm interpreting your words correctly I should say one thing. Sasha and I are friends because we both believe in hope, equality and the evidence of our eyes...not because we both have magic...Arthur whatever else you say or do to me, please know that I would ne-ver use my powers against you. I still claim and profess what tried to tell you all those years ago. I AM happy to be who and what I am...til the day I die.”
“He-he. Noted Merlin. But I think we should both go up to see Sasha through the last few moments or days of her life. And this time we will both listen to her final words.”
“Okay I can take a guess.” Merlin prompted as they turned to leave the room, side by side.
King Arthur smiled broadly at his friend. “Last time she was dying it was in a prison cell and she was still so careful with her words. Now we are both ready for this...and I think she knows she can speak openly.” He didn't say anything more until they were almost to Sasha's room. “Merlin, what did you expect from me?”
“I didn't have any specific expectations.” Merlin answered at once. “I mean I had rather assumed you'd be furious at a liar like me, if not at the fact that I was a sorcerer and everything that usually entailed. I had hoped to make one thing clear: I am who I am whether I can move things with my mind or not.”
“And what is that? I mean what and who do you see yourself as?” Arthur's question had come on the heels of Merlin's last response. For some reason, Merlin was having trouble finding an answer that fit.
“I...Some combination of a servant, a protector and a friend...I mean our history is more complicated than you knew, but I never lied to you about anything.”
“Except what you even were.” Arthur persisted.
At which point showed up in front of them. I could tell from Merlin's face that my face was either completely pink or pale as oatmeal. “I think he means that he is happy to be your servant til the day he dies. He's always told you to trust in yourself, to do what you believe is right not what your father or even either of us would have you do...though our opinion and your own usually went hand in hand. For his sake I'll not explain what four words convinced me of this. He has always put your well being ahead of his own...that wasn't a lie.”
I folded my hands as though in a prayer to indicate the story was over-with. Arthur sat there puzzled for a very short period of time. “What four words?” He asked me curtly.
“I should have expected that.” I told him simply. After a few seconds I answered him in a rush. “Merlin once told an evil sorcerer that he didn't want to lord his power over people, especially not over you. It was suggested that...well the four words were 'I don't want that'. As long as he keeps his heart as I've always seen it; a servant's heart and a loyal one, I'll follow him to the death. As he obviously would for you.”
“Alright, now I really am listening intently.” Arthur breathed.
The conversation lasted for hours. It was as close to an honest report on the question of what makes a person who they are as one would ever want to hear. It didn't detail anything Merlin had done with his magic to help Arthur, only what Merlin had told Arthur as an advisor: to trust in himself, in his own beliefs. It ended thus.
“Sire, there's one other thing that really needs saying. But I don't have Merlin's consent for it yet.”
“You really do follow him in all things don't you.” Arthur stated solemnly.
Sasha couldn't tell if this was a question, an assumption or a taunt. Assuming it wasn't the latter-most, she began. “I trust his judgment as devoutly and unswervingly as he trusts you, yes. But that's not my only reason for holding back. He needs to offer this knowledge and explanation...or it's just hearsay and slander.”
At what Sasha judged to be the most inconvenient time ever they heard Merlin's voice interject. “Arthur there you are what have you been...up to.”
At once Sasha stood up and stared her first friend in the face.“Merlin we are both in very deep trouble. And I was about to be in worse trouble than you are.”
“Then I showed up at exactly the right time.” Merlin stated firmly, but with a confidence he obviously did not feel. He looked his more easy going friend in the eyes with a serious question.
“Arthur didn't remember what we thought he knew.” Sasha stated unwavering. “I filled him in on the conversations we thought we'd had. Something else needs to be said even so. He needs to know something I...” Sasha looked sad and took a breath. “He needs to know what the Kalex and Aggrivane obviously knew.”
This statement seemed to be too much for Arthur's brain, and his patience. “What in the name of anything are you talking about? What's the Kalex...and what does my uncle have to do with anything?”
Merlin looked crestfallen. “The Kalex was a gate-keeper to the spirit world. I think she told Morganna about 'the one they call Emrys' and it became an obsession for her. To my understanding Morganna has never figured out that 'the most troublesome serving boy I've ever known' could be the one she was told to fear. Aggrivane figured it out moments before his treachery killed him. Almost everyone with magic knows...I AM Emrys.”
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