Friday, November 20, 2020

Visitors from the Heavens (pt 2)

 “Sasha, why has it taken you this long to bring this up?” Was King Arthur's only reaction to his younger friend's suggestion, which she made promptly at breakfast the next day.

“I've never had this much of a reason to give Merlin a break from his duties and, honestly, I don't think you have either.” It was a not so veiled reference to Arthur's joke about Merlin's place at his side. But Arthur didn't seem to appreciate the reference.

“You mean this might help me out as much as it'll help explain things to Jayden?” He replied stiffly.

“I mean Riker will want to learn things from you just as Merlin wants to learn things from Jayden And the exchanges of information will be true exchanges.”

Jayden and Riker were seated at one of the longer tables with Percival and Sir Leon at the time. So they didn't hear any of this. When they saw Arthur bend his head in deep thought, then wave his hand to dismiss Merlin, they assumed the answer was in the affirmative. A few minutes later all five of them gathered in the great hall. Sasha suggested she, Riker and Arthur should ride out to a fork in the road to have their conversation, while Merlin and Jayden could go wherever they felt would suit their comfort and need. It was a n idea warmly supported by the others. Not two hours later the three riders departed, at an easy pace.

“I'm really not sure where to go from here.” Sasha mentioned once they were completely out of town.

“Really, you're the one who suggested it.” Arthur prodded.

“I know where I want to end up. I never...How did you actually GET to that split in the road when you and Merlin were following a horse?” Arthur's ears turned pink and he tried his best to hide it from his guest.

“I'm going to assume that's a private joke between the two of you.” Riker stated, as though in passing.

“I'll let that go for now.” Arthur eventually replied. “We have other business.”

Not thirty minutes later Arthur pulled his horse to a complete stop and invited his friends to do the same. “This is where the ambush happened. I'll assume that's what you referred to.”

“If I understand you at all correctly and am not missing anything, yes.” Sasha replied, almost testily. She walked up to the fire pit, propped the sticks she'd brought with her into a tall triangle and lit them with what Arthur took to be magic, but was really just a spark jug.

“Okay maybe you're not who I thought you were.” Riker intoned gently.

“I have three older sisters you know.” Sasha replied with a grin.

“Now I don't understand.” Arthur stated impatiently.

Without instruction all of them sat down for the long and messy conversation they all knew would follow. But let's see what Jayden and Merlin were up to. We can return to this place again later.

“Merlin I am confused by you.” Jayden admitted softly as they made their way to the north-most room in the entire castle, in other words, to Sasha's room.

“I can assure you the feeling is mutual.” Merlin answered in what was meant to be a casual voice.

“Where are we going?” The stranger continued, unabated.

“The only place in this whole city I know we won't be overheard.” Came the instant reply.

Once they were seated across the short table from each-other, so that the impromptu bed was on Merlin's left and Jayden's right, Merlin lost absolutely no time in posing the question that was on his mind.

“What are you sir?”

“Why do you believe I am anything but what you are?”

“I uh...I meant to ask your condition...your situation.” Merlin openly lied.

“I am Will Riker's equal and his friend. We are not equal in all things but...” Right about there the true meaning of Merlin's question dawned in his mind. “...I repeat my question.” Was all he said in response.

“I scanned the surface of your and Riker's minds. I couldn't see anything in yours except a desire to be understood and to understand. Commander Riker held these same concerns, but his admiration for our 'little world' nearly drowned them, as it were. Also you both must follow a very strict set of rules.”

“Little wonder Arthur seems to rely on you concerning visitors.” Data, as was his true name, interpreted, not bothering to remark on the proper use of Will Riker's rank.

“HE doesn't know I do it. For that matter, I don't usually use my gifts that way. You and Will behaved so oddly, not the least around Sasha herself, I wanted to learn for myself what could be the issue.”

“Why would you not tell your liege about your gifts?” The other man stated, bluntly curious. “For that matter, why is it such a secret?”

“I uh, I seriously don't understand your confusion.” Merlin admitted softly.

“We are not from this island. I had assumed this place...Camelot in particular...was blessed by magic.”

“Your assumption was very much incorrect.” Merlin near-laughed. “Magic is punishable by death in Camelot and under Arthur's father, that was usually the result. Because he learned what I am, Arthur has tried to be more tolerant of 'the old ways', but he still hasn't made it any less of a crime...not for good and all.”

“So, if I may ask, who already knows the truth? I would assume Sasha learned it somehow.”

“Sasha has always known, since the first time we actually met.” Merlin answered, now clearly laughing. “Sir Leon just found out a day or so ago and Arthur was told over six weeks ago.”

Jayden decided to take a moment to consider everything that had happened in his visit. After a long pause of thought, he stated in a defeated voice.“You have trusted me. I would be most unfair not to 'open up' to you.”

“I don't want you to say anything you are not comfortable sharing with me.” Merlin insisted.

“That is a part of it unto itself. I have no concept of comfort, or emotion or even taste. I may refer to Dr Soong as my father but it is a figure of speech...I am a constructed being. I do not know if I have a soul, so please do not ask. I have free will and I am not indebted to anyone except my captain. So much is...accepted.”

To Data's surprise and lasting confusion he found Merlin laughing again. For a moment, he was convinced he was being laughed at. And when Merlin had regained control he explained. “My friend as long as you can say with a straight face that you have a conscience and can understand loyalty I don't care what you are.”

“Both of which I can assure you, I do.” Data replied almost at once.

“I have to tell you though. According to Sasha I'm the most open, fair minded person in this kingdom. It's one of the reasons we are such great friends. I wouldn't risk letting anyone else know about this. You might get beheaded as a product of magic, or a souless monster.”

Data stared. “Forgive me but I have never been so easily accepted by someone who lived as you do.”

“What, in fear for their lives if anyone figured out the truth of their existence? Do you simply mean 'as primitive as this'.” A single look from Data answered his question quite completely. “In a twisted, round about sort of way, I've had a 'head's up' about your existence, and the reality of your construction. Just not about your coming here, or even that you could or would.”

“Please elaborate.” The android intoned.

“Do you really live on a ship in a sea of stars?” Merlin replied. Data did not verbally respond. “I'll take that as a yes. Captain Picard must rely on your fair judgment the way Arthur relies on mine.”

At that exact moment Will Riker was having a very similar conversation with his new friends. One that very nearly ended the same way.

“Grace, Sophia, and Elizabeth are my older sisters, but we all look so much alike to most people, we get confused with each other all the time. It has been my belief since Riker and Jayden showed up here that they know one of these sisters, and mistook me for her.”

“Grace visits us all the time.” Riker said plainly. “If you're not her, how did you know about Jayden?”

“Because I've learned to tell pretty fast if I can trust a person or what motivates them.” The young woman answered easily. “Most of what I've said about him falls under that category. And while I am not Grace, we share stories of our adventures with each other...in a very personal way. Also hearing you call him by his proper name, made everything else fall into place.”

“What 'proper name'?” Arthur insisted.

Jayden is a name a group of villagers once gave my friend.” Riker answered at once. “His name as he himself chose it is 'Data'. It is simply another word for information or knowledge.”

“Who would choose that as their own identifier?” Arthur pondered aloud.

“At the time there was nothing about him he felt was more important for him.” Will answered in a harsh tone. “And his thirst for information and knowledge is very much one of his more defining qualities.” He turned from Arthur to Sasha. “You were right at that.”

“I said he's human in every way that matters. I never said he was actually flesh and blood.”

Riker seemed ready to faint at those words. “Why would you do that?” He inquired of Sasha. Who it seemed, did not understand the objection.

“Well he wasn't there at that statement I'll grant you, but it's perfectly true and relevant is it not?”

“I mean why would you destroy...Well I'm not even sure how to go about this.”

Right there Sasha saw the assumption. And decided to let her friend know she did not take the accusation well. Drawing herself to her full ramrod height, or as much as she could sitting down she stated. “William T. Riker, how in the name of sanity do you think you got here?” She checked herself a moment later. “I would think that knowledge unto itself would tell you I'M the one taking responsibility for this mess?”

“And she is not your friend Grace.” Arthur added as though his mouth were on automatic. “Although I must admit I don't entirely understand the issue at hand.”

Sasha took a deep breath to calm herself and turned to the king. “His people's curiosity got the better of them on so many occasions, they created this cardinal rule of not getting involved in other cultures. At least, unless external forces are responsible for the problem or some one in said culture made a direct request for help. He was certain it applied here and failed to consider his people had very little to do with what I've been telling you these past few days. And I have no such directive.”

Arthur looked uncertain. “Okay I'll accept that for now, but what does it mean 'how you got here'?”

Sasha almost hung her head. “That was actually my own missed perception. I don't know how they got here and had assumed something about it. I had also assumed that if I was right it somehow negated his directive. And no, I did not bring them here. Neither, I assume, did Grace. But I am grateful to see for myself the truth of a story I once told my young friend. I wonder if he's noticed that by now.”

“I hope we are at peace.” Riker stated calmly. “Jayden and I with you, Sasha as well as with the people of this kingdom. I would prefer to stay for a while and learn more of the truth surrounding your place hand your friends hereabout. I almost wish it wasn't already time to go home.”

“Sir, I hope you're not rushing out because of me?” Sasha offered.

“Or my own lack of manners.” Arthur added.

“It's nothing like that. We're on a tighter schedule than I let on before. It's time to head back to the ship, if not really head home.” Riker stated, somewhat sardonically.

Sasha looked surprisingly grim.“I sincerely wish you would be empowered and direct your own path. And do I assume correctly you would prefer to slip away practically unnoticed?” Riker nodded. “I think that's more than fine. As far as no pomp, circumstance or otherwise fanfare-y farewell. But do not vanish or disappear. Those you have met here would like, if not need the chance to say goodbye...yes? She insisted to Arthur, who nodded his assent. “Then on that part there is no issue.”

“Where IS there an issue?” Arthur and Riker stated simultaneously.

“I still feel like I'm scaring you off.” Sasha admitted glumly.

“And you haven't answered my original question.” Riker intoned.

“I assumed the question was nullified when you realized I wasn't Grace.” Sasha offered.

“Well the apparent contradiction was answered. I'd still like to know from you who you are to them?”

Sasha stood up and answered in a firm and quiet tone. “Until recently I was a constant visitor with a mask of happiness or dignity. Except to Merlin. He and I became close not so much because of that, as the fact that we both believed in equality, justice and the evidence of our own eyes. That friendship was only strengthened when I finally came to stay here for good and all.” Sasha's words seemed rehearsed and blank to Riker's ears. A fact which he quickly made public. Arthur nodded in agreement. The statement simply made Sasha grin.

“I've had time to come up with an answer for whenever this finally came to light. That is I was anticipating being able to stay here for good and all since I had two of four years of visiting under my belt. And I wasn't sure if these admissions would precipitate finding a place to call home, or if finding a place to call home would finally take down my guard enough to admit them. Arthur likes me because he knows I understand what I'm talking about...when I bother to speak up at all. To answer what I now know is a bigger part of your question: I've only for certain lived here for about eight weeks, maybe ten. I came here so often before, they could tell it was as much home to me as anywhere I've been. I'm their friend and defender against ignorance and true stupidity. I'm no more capable of physical combat than Grace was...and no less their friend than she was to you.”

“Which Merlin has been for a long time.” Arthur muttered to himself.

“Unquestionably.” Sasha agreed with feeling, for the moment not caring what exactly Arthur had just realized. “But Riker, consider the possibility that this isn't where you think it is. Your first impression of us was mythical and magical at the same time, yes?” And without waiting for a reply she continued. “This is exactly what it seems like. I mean this place really is exactly what it seems like to you. I wish you luck on your journey, any further interference from you because of me, or vice versa would be...exactly that.”

“We better get back to Camelot and Jayden and I better get out of here.” Riker stated. It was an assertion warmly and fervently supported by the others present. “Sasha, do you have Grace's ability..”

“My traveler's gifts as I called them don't work now that I've settled down, unless it affects and is for the sake of my first friend. So not unless Merlin specifically asks for it...if he thinks it would heal something, then no. and right now I doubt it would help or solve a-ny-thing.”

The trip back to the castle was at an easy pace and silent.

“So what do you make of this place Data?” Riker asked his friend as soon as they were alone in their quarters again. Having shared their experiences, they had yet to come to a shared conclusion.

“It is simply another example of parallel planet development. For some reason one of Grace's siblings decided to settle here. Either that or we've gone back in time and the myth-historic legends of Merlin and Arthur and the knights were flatly wrong.”

“I'd rather believe the former. Especially since we've very much upset the balance of this place.”

“Commander I believe Sasha was correct. She is responsible for changing this sociopolitical climate. We just helped the shift further along.”

“Well yeah. I guess we should be grateful she told the story of your hearing as a story.”

Data looked at Riker, hesitating.“Commander, how did you choose the name you gave them as my own?”

“It's what the villagers on Barkon Four called you. Which I know you don't remember.”

“Yes, a sad reversal of my encounter with Sarjenka. I was the one with no memories of my friendship or impact.” Data replied, almost mournfully. “I suppose it makes sense, it is a name that has been used for me. And obviously it fooled enough of them...But not Sasha herself.”

“It was not meant to deceive her.” Riker mused. “Only to let her know I could still be careful.”


The visitors had gone home. Their last wish had been easily fulfilled: they'd left without a word to anyone. Merlin was asleep, or at least unreachable. Which left Sasha the only person Arthur could ask to settle his muddled mind. Which was fine; she knew more of this truth than Merlin.

“Sasha, what was all of that?” Arthur asked her in private.

“Which part?” Sasha asked with an obvious desire not to say more than was needed.

“Can you really not use magic unless Merlin asks you?” Arthur clarified.

“Of course my friend. I thought you knew that.” Sasha paused and studied Arthur's stoic face. “But that's not what's troubling you, is it?”

“What magic was he asking you to use?” The King persisted.

“I believe Riker wanted me to avoid breaking his own cardinal rule by making you forget that whole conversation. He failed to realize that leaving such a big gap in your head would itself cause damage and irrevocable changes to this place.”

“Yeah if things are going to change, there better be an explanation for it.” Arthur reiterated.

“That's my thinking exactly. Besides, with one exception, I've never thought of using my powers that way, ever.” Sasha stated matter of factly.

“What exception?!” Arthur pressed.

“I never actually did it. But if Sir Leon hadn't taken the news well, and if it had happened any earlier than it did, I would have wiped it from his mind. Believe it or not, even though he's only known that particular secret for a couple of days, known it for sure I mean...” At that point she seemed to think she'd said too much and closed her mouth, but continued to stare King Arthur in the face.

“You think Sir Leon has um...had his suspicions...for some time?” Arthur asked bluntly.

“Yes sire.” Sasha stated in a tone to suggest she thought she was in trouble...or was about to be.

“What if I had figured it out. Or I couldn't handle it. Would you have taken the knowledge from me?”

“My king,” The young woman stated coolly. “I'm still trying to figure out how you learned the truth in the first place.” Arthur stared at her, open mouthed. “And the answer to your question is no.”

Arthur was quiet for a long time after this. Convinced she had said something wrong, without any real clue as to what, Sasha remained seated and silent. Her original assertion about being in trouble was quickly confirmed as Arthur stood his highest and straightest and asked. “It wasn't your own secret was it?”

A ringing silence fell.

“I honestly need to know. I've known for ages you had magic so your secrecy made no sense to me.”

“You don't remember it?” Sasha pressed.

“Remember WHAT?” Arthur yelped.

“Okay forgive me but I have to be certain. What did you just figure out?”

“The only thing that would have you this mortified. Merlin has magic.”

“Okay, since we are now for the most part on the same page, let me fill in the blanks. And don't you dare interrupt me with more questions.” Sasha stated coldly. King Arthur simply nodded his head. “You did discover Merlin's secret. We thought you did. I've lived the past six weeks thinking you remembered that encounter. In which, by the way, you walked in on Merlin's mind to mind conversation with Sir Leon and took the news a little too well. But such a secret could never be that quickly or easily accepted. So together Merlin and I broke the illusion of those conversations. After the vision faded Merlin walked up to your room, flat out told you his secret and you told him to go to bed with as close to a 'mind at peace' as he could. I guess now the entire thing was someone pulling the wool over my and Merlin's eyes...the lie was not just the original vision.”

“So that's why Merlin's been more relaxed around me these past weeks?” Arthur concluded aloud.

“He thinks you've come to accept him for who and what he is...accepted why he does these things and what all he can do. It would naturally have put him at ease.”

Arthur started to turn away, toward the door. Sasha reached out her arm toward him. “Milord please rest on this a while before you do anything to Merlin. And when you do talk to him directly, please let him know I'm the one who messed up.”

The king stopped in his tracks and turned toward her. “I would think you'd want your part in this hidden.”

“Are you kidding me? The alternatives being Sir Leon really taking this badly or Commander Riker letting this slip? I'll take the blame for what I actually am responsible for.” Sasha answered briskly. “Besides, I hope I can help you to see why Merlin does what he does and that what he is, as far as being a sorcerer, is only a small part of the who of his being.”

Arthur sat down at the small table. “I'm listening.”

“I think the best way to show you this would be to literally show you the vision we both experienced. That way nothing is missing or clung to.”

“You said you couldn't do that anymore.” Arthur reminded me.

“In that case I'll tell it to you. And you had better be still and listen intently.” I answered him.

“He nodded and I began the story again.


“...Why do you call yourself Sasha?” Sir Leon asked of his friend.

She smiled at him from her couch.“Gwaine gave me that name, when I asked him for one. It means inner beauty. Why do you ask about that all over again?”

“That's actually not what I mean.” The knight admitted humbly. When you first came here you were calling yourself 'Nikita'. Why not keep that name?”

“Because as such Nikita was executed.” The young woman answered firmly. “Gaius, Uther, Arthur and Merlin all saw her through her last moments in this life, and she died. It was as close a call as I've ever made. She had to either die a natural death or face execution as a sorceress. And Uther let her pass naturally and in her cell. She came back to life, I came back to life. But I couldn't call myself by that same name.”

Sir Leon could barely believe what he was hearing.“Are you saying Uther knew about your magic all the times that you visited Camelot?”

Sasha smiled at him kindly. “Of course. She made him a promise and she kept it. As did he to her. He didn't live to see the day I finally could stay for good and all. Which is something he dearly wished could happen.” She took a deep, slow breath and took the plunge. “Sir Leon, I've been willing myself to live beyond my time since I stayed here. Now that you know what I'm waiting for, What are you?”


Sir Leon rushed to the court physician's chambers and pounded on the door. “Come in.” Was the simple reply from within the doors. When the solider had entered and quietly shut the door behind him he quickly saw that the young man, Merlin was the only one in the room. And that even though his head was in a book, his mind and heart were far away. For a moment he wished he hadn't come here with this suspicion in his heart. But there were too many questions that needed answers...and only one answer he knew for any of it.

“Is Gaius out?” Was the only thing the knight could think to say.

“He's with a patient, but I can fetch him if he's needed.” The servant answered simply.

“No that's alright.” Sir Leon replied hurriedly. “Actually I came to talk with you.”

A mild look of surprise crossed the pale face of the...whatever and whoever he was. “And you don't think Gaius should hear? I can think of only one thing that could have – well that could explain both this and the extreme distress on your face. I just hope I'm wrong.”

“Believe it or not Merlin, so do I.” A few seconds of silence passed.

“So, which of us will actually broach the subject?” Merlin intoned in a deadpan voice.

“I was seriously hoping you would.” The knight admitted gently.

“You think I'm a sorcerer and a liar.” Merlin offered plainly.

“Well, no. I don't think you're a liar.” Sir Leon responded softly. “But I think you have magic in your body and have used everything about who you are to fight that reality...or label.”

“We really should go to my room to discuss this further. Or I could try a useful bit of magic.” At first Sir Leon didn't seem able to comprehend the meaning behind this statement. The answer came completely unbidden, and straight to Sir Leon's mind.“I can simply tell you this way, but I don't think I can maintain it for long. And Gaius knows when I'm messing around like this.”

“...Then let's just go outside far from anywhere or anyone. I'll run interference with Arthur if he comes looking for you.”

“Actually, for as long as Sasha is ill I have a bit of free time from my normal duties. I know that Arthur understands how much she and I mean to each-other.” The knight fidgeted where he stood. “What's wrong? Surely you've seen that Sasha and I are dear to each-other...Or has someone besides me finally realized that she's not simply ill?”

“It's more that last part.” Leon admitted coolly. “I didn't know until about an hour ago that she was more than simply ill. And in the course of that conversation I learned almost as much about You as I did about her. She was about to tell me something that I'm sure would have answered a lot of the doubts and confusions I've had over the past few weeks. But she stopped herself, saying that you obviously trusted her judgment and thus she must trust yours. She left enough of an impression in my head that the only explanation I could think of for her sudden silence, but obvious yearning for openness, was that you had a secret to which she was privy, but could not bring yourself to mention to anyone else. And something else she told me, something she said would have happened, told me Arthur needed to know this but didn't yet.”

“Which was?” Merlin prompted.

“She would have sent Arthur to you with confirmed knowledge of your loyalty and trust. That is she would have told Arthur that much and he would have sought you out to confirm it. And somehow that would have prompted you to say something, particular. The trust and friendship you have would've been deepened.”

“And this was the only thing you could think of to fit that pattern.” Merlin breathed heavily. “Well now that you know you're right, what do you intend to do?”

“Find out from you whether you're more like Sasha or like Morgouse.” The knight responded simply. “Actually never mind. I know you're more like Sasha, because she has such unswerving loyalty and faith with you. My question is, why not tell Arthur what you are...and what your very life is proof of?”

“...Do you mean, that not all those with magic are enemies of this kingdom and that I'm more a servant than a sorcerer?” At the knight's nod, Merlin stood up, raised his left hand above his head, palm up. At the same time he dropped his right hand to near his waist, palm down. In one motion he brought them both eye-level and pushed them, palms out, in front of him.

“What just happened?” Sir Leon questioned with a small bit of wonder in his face.

“I've set a cloak of silence around this room, or at least around the two of us. We cannot be overheard or interrupted.” Merlin answered simply. “I will say plainly that you are both right and wrong. I am Arthur's servant, protector and friend. I don't use this reality to fight being a sorcerer. I use being a sorcerer to aid my mission to help Arthur. Now, what are you here to find out?”

“What you think would happen if you ever did admit your powers to Arthur.” Sir Leon replied at once. “And what all you can do and have been doing to help him in his quest for peace and unity.”

“First tell me what brought this to your attention.” Merlin declared.

You saw through both the witch-finder and Morgouse. You were so reserved and secretive after Morganna came back that once she showed her true colors I had to believe you at least suspected the truth. But you've been a loyal servant and source of encouragement to Arthur this whole time...as far as I can see. But that's what I've recently noticed that led me to this conclusion. What brought this to my attention, made things so suddenly apparent was the knowledge and inference that Sasha wants you to TELL Arthur something; an admission, not a confrontation. In light of everything else, as I turned to leave a very quiet young woman to pass gently, I was pretty sure this was it.”

“Well I suppose that's just a matter of...What in the name of sanity is going on here?!” Merlin yelped.

“What do you mean my friend?' Sir Leon asked simply.

“I have it on fairly good authority that Gaius is the only one in this city who both can and would ever make a declaration like that about another soul. And I seriously doubt..” Merlin never finished that thought. “Do you think she's passing away right now?” He finished instead.

“She's weak, and growing more faint and lean. She can't even make her coffees anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if she passes within a day or two.” Sir Leon answered with blunt honesty.

“Then I need to end this talk and go up to her and keep as close a vigil as I can.”

“I thought you said you have leave from Arthur to stay by her side.” A confounded Leon responded.

“She doesn't want anyone, especially Merlin to see her this weak and weary.” The cold voice of King Arthur interjected. No one moved a muscle for several seconds.

“Merlin I think this will be a good time for me to get out of here.” Sir Leon suggested in a rushed voice. “With your leave Arthur?” He added. The king nodded and the knight bowed his head and departed.

“How long have you been standing there?” Merlin inquired, barely raising his eyes to Arthur's throat.

“Long enough to know that either the two of you were in a trance, or something stranger than that was going on. I pounded on the door but no one answered. I assume something was or is seriously wrong.”

“Something is definitely wrong Sire.” Merlin admitted in a solemn tone. “But not because of that trance. I am responsible for that.”

“Merlin you are confusing me.” The king stated, shaking his head and his short blonde locks with it.

“Mi-lord, I initiated that trance with Sir Leon. It was the best way I knew not to be overheard. I never considered it would make me blind to my surroundings.”

“You are learning magic?” Arthur's voice was more curious and puzzled than angry or troubled.

At least his friend heard it that way. “It goes deeper than that. I have magic in my very being. I just learnt... alright I can tell something is wrong beyond shock at this revelation.”

“Just, tell me plainly whatever is on your mind and heart.” The King stated firmly.

“I've always had magic in the fabric of my being. I'm living proof that not all wizards want destruction or death. I'm quite probably more of a coward than you ever thought of me...for keeping this from you.”

The young king starred at the even younger man. “Merlin, assuming you're not just pulling wool over my eyes or pulling my leg, I can never call you a coward again!”

“No one would be foolish enough to joke about this.” Merlin stated firmly. In a moment he pressed on. “And I hate to admit it but now you are confusing me.”

“To keep this a secret may have been cowardice Merlin, or self preservation. That doesn't really matter. What matters to me is what would have been needful for you to tell me to my face.”

“Um, clarify please.” Merlin intoned.

“I mean, for you to walk up to my chambers and flat out tell me this as an admission.”

Merlin fidgeted where he stood. “Well that's actually part of what Sir Leon and I were talking about.” He said joylessly. “He had a suspicion that I had magic. He said he knew I was more a friend and an ally to you than anyone else with magic he'd ever heard of. He said I was living proof that not all wizards want destruction or death. And wondered, that being the case, why I didn't flat out tell you. Right here and now I swear to you, if my oath means anything..”

“It does.” Arthur stated coolly.

..that other than the simple reality that I didn't know if we could still be...as we are...after this revelation, I had NOTHING keeping me from showing you this openly.”

“And that is exactly why you are not a coward.” Arthur suggested blithely. “Well that and to stay with me under my father, and even after his death. Also admitting to this now is not cowardice unless it's being done out of fear. Which, IS that it?”

“Obligation yes, fear? Not really no.” Merlin replied simply. “I take it you also had a conversation with Sasha recently?” Merlin prodded with a slight smile on his face. His friend simply stared at him. “That's what brought Sir Leon here and I can think of nothing else that would have cooled your thoughts about sorcery.”

“Learning that even my father made an exception for Sasha might have had something to do with it?” Arthur answered in affirmation. “Learning that Sasha was staying silent about your secret not you about hers. That was the main event about it. There aren't very many secrets that would require such staunch adherence and resolve as what she's had for you.”

Merlin's smile grew, but a moment later he hung his head again. When his liege asked him about it, there was only one honest answer he could think of. “Actually Arthur, assuming I'm interpreting your words correctly I should say one thing. Sasha and I are friends because we both believe in hope, equality and the evidence of our eyes...not because we both have magic...Arthur whatever else you say or do to me, please know that I would ne-ver use my powers against you. I still claim and profess what tried to tell you all those years ago. I AM happy to be who and what I am...til the day I die.”

“He-he. Noted Merlin. But I think we should both go up to see Sasha through the last few moments or days of her life. And this time we will both listen to her final words.”

“Okay I can take a guess.” Merlin prompted as they turned to leave the room, side by side.

King Arthur smiled broadly at his friend. “Last time she was dying it was in a prison cell and she was still so careful with her words. Now we are both ready for this...and I think she knows she can speak openly.” He didn't say anything more until they were almost to Sasha's room. “Merlin, what did you expect from me?”

“I didn't have any specific expectations.” Merlin answered at once. “I mean I had rather assumed you'd be furious at a liar like me, if not at the fact that I was a sorcerer and everything that usually entailed. I had hoped to make one thing clear: I am who I am whether I can move things with my mind or not.”

“And what is that? I mean what and who do you see yourself as?” Arthur's question had come on the heels of Merlin's last response. For some reason, Merlin was having trouble finding an answer that fit.

“I...Some combination of a servant, a protector and a friend...I mean our history is more complicated than you knew, but I never lied to you about anything.”

“Except what you even were.” Arthur persisted.

At which point showed up in front of them. I could tell from Merlin's face that my face was either completely pink or pale as oatmeal. “I think he means that he is happy to be your servant til the day he dies. He's always told you to trust in yourself, to do what you believe is right not what your father or even either of us would have you do...though our opinion and your own usually went hand in hand. For his sake I'll not explain what four words convinced me of this. He has always put your well being ahead of his own...that wasn't a lie.”


I folded my hands as though in a prayer to indicate the story was over-with. Arthur sat there puzzled for a very short period of time. “What four words?” He asked me curtly.

“I should have expected that.” I told him simply. After a few seconds I answered him in a rush. “Merlin once told an evil sorcerer that he didn't want to lord his power over people, especially not over you. It was suggested that...well the four words were 'I don't want that'. As long as he keeps his heart as I've always seen it; a servant's heart and a loyal one, I'll follow him to the death. As he obviously would for you.”

“Alright, now I really am listening intently.” Arthur breathed.

The conversation lasted for hours. It was as close to an honest report on the question of what makes a person who they are as one would ever want to hear. It didn't detail anything Merlin had done with his magic to help Arthur, only what Merlin had told Arthur as an advisor: to trust in himself, in his own beliefs. It ended thus.

“Sire, there's one other thing that really needs saying. But I don't have Merlin's consent for it yet.”

“You really do follow him in all things don't you.” Arthur stated solemnly.

Sasha couldn't tell if this was a question, an assumption or a taunt. Assuming it wasn't the latter-most, she began. “I trust his judgment as devoutly and unswervingly as he trusts you, yes. But that's not my only reason for holding back. He needs to offer this knowledge and explanation...or it's just hearsay and slander.”

At what Sasha judged to be the most inconvenient time ever they heard Merlin's voice interject. “Arthur there you are what have you been...up to.”

At once Sasha stood up and stared her first friend in the face.“Merlin we are both in very deep trouble. And I was about to be in worse trouble than you are.”

“Then I showed up at exactly the right time.” Merlin stated firmly, but with a confidence he obviously did not feel. He looked his more easy going friend in the eyes with a serious question.

“Arthur didn't remember what we thought he knew.” Sasha stated unwavering. “I filled him in on the conversations we thought we'd had. Something else needs to be said even so. He needs to know something I...” Sasha looked sad and took a breath. “He needs to know what the Kalex and Aggrivane obviously knew.”

This statement seemed to be too much for Arthur's brain, and his patience. “What in the name of anything are you talking about? What's the Kalex...and what does my uncle have to do with anything?”

Merlin looked crestfallen. “The Kalex was a gate-keeper to the spirit world. I think she told Morganna about 'the one they call Emrys' and it became an obsession for her. To my understanding Morganna has never figured out that 'the most troublesome serving boy I've ever known' could be the one she was told to fear. Aggrivane figured it out moments before his treachery killed him. Almost everyone with magic knows...I AM Emrys.”

Sunday, October 18, 2020

Hollowness Stilled

 The second edition of Elyan's Illness. A little more focused and deliberate.

Merlin stood still as a stone. There was nothing left for him to do. Gwen and Arthur were both staring at him, but he could not even raise his eyes to theirs. His mind was full of the past several hours, his heart with the burden of the past two minutes. Had he honestly heard what he thought he'd heard come out of the King's mouth? Arthur's request had been straightforward 'Will you do anything you can for Elyan?' In the past this had always been in the context of his role as the physician Gaius' assistant, to care for the sick and repair the injured. He was quite good at his work in this regard, having learned much from his guardian over the years. It wasn't a second thought to him to care for a knight of the round table in this way. This time, there was something more to the request, something with which he was thoroughly uncomfortable. Arthur had asked him to do anything in HIS power to heal Elyan, and that was beyond caring for him as a physician's assistant. Merlin was a sorcerer. A fact of which the King was only newly aware. That Gwen had joined him in making this request demonstrated that Arthur had shared the secret with her. Which didn't bother Merlin in the slightest. He'd never had the courage to tell his friends to their faces. But through a combination of trickery, perception and pure coincidence, all of his closest friends knew the truth. Uther's ban on magic as a capital crime still stood, officially...so he couldn't tell anyone else. But Arthur had accepted Merlin for who as well as what he was and for the most part that was all that mattered to him. But it would be nice if the others took it as well when they found out. Merlin found his mind being drawn back to that morning two days prior, when he'd first been told of the disaster which now wrung his King's heart.

“Are you alright Milady..I mean Your Majesty?” Merlin asked of the queen.

“Merlin, how many times must I tell you to call me Gwen?”

“Obviously at least once more Milady.” The man replied sheepishly. “I'm not being pretentious when I say, I hope I have not done anything to put you in this mood.”

“No, you haven't.” Guinevere replied. “I'm just worried about Elyan, that's all.”

“I'm sure there's nothing wrong with him, he's fine. He'll be fine, you'll see.” Merlin stammered.

“You used to be a much more convincing liar, you know that?” Guinevere remonstrated him.

“Alright, I'm concerned about him as well. But I honestly can't see why, and I don't know anything I could do about it if I was right.”

“What do you think could be the matter?”

“Please Milady, don't ask me. It's nothing that makes any sense. I don't want you to laugh at me.”

“Merlin, I've never laughed at you for anything you've said; I'm not about to start now.”

Whatever Merlin would have answered was cut off by Sir Leon's entry into the room. “Your Majesty,” The man began slowly. “your brother is ill.” All three rushed out of the room and down to Gaius' chambers.

“What's wrong with him Gaius?” The King asked of the physician, who looked grim as he replied.

“In simple terms Sire, he is rotting from the inside out.”

“Elyan!” Guinevere exclaimed as she entered the room. She started to run to him, but Gaius grabbed her in his arms and set her in a chair.

“It's going to be alright Gwen, Merlin and I will find a way to heal him, we always do.”

Merlin had barely stepped inside the door before Arthur turned to him. “Is Gaius right?”

Merlin stared at him, open-mouthed. “That I'll do anything I can do, of course he is.”

“I mean that this can only happen by magic of the old religion.” Arthur said briskly. Merlin stared at him even more intently and Arthur realized there was no way Merlin could have known that at a glance, nor could he have heard Gaius' assessment at all. “Find out as quickly as you can. I need to know who or what is behind this.” King Arthur left the room as though there was nothing more to be said. Sir Leon followed him.

Guinevere sat where she was. “Gaius, what's happened to him?” Merlin asked of his guardian.

“His body behaves as though it's been poisoned...but I can't find any poison that could have acted this quickly. My only conclusion is that he has been cursed. I've never seen anything like it before.”

“I gathered that, but where was he when this happened? And was it really magic?”
“I can think of no other explanation. But that doesn't mean there isn't one” As Gaius recounted the details of Elyan's adventures as he knew them, Merlin realized something drastic would have to be done.


“Merlin, now would be a good time to say something.” Arthur said, startling him out of his thoughts. “I don't know why you are even asking me this.” The young wizard stated simply.

“Merlin, I know what I'm asking you to risk. I don't make this request lightly, but I had hoped I could count on our friendship this far, if not on any friendship you have with Elyan...I thought you said you would continue as you've always done?” Arthur's voice had been more calm and cool in saying this than Merlin had heard from him in almost three years. For that very reason, Merlin was having a hard time making sense of it.

“I know what I said, Your Highness. Which is why I'm confused. It's Elyan's affair what he thinks of me after all this happens, assuming it leads to this revelation at all.”

“I don't see how you'll be able to keep it from him.” Arthur stated in a mixture of impatience and joy.

“True.” Merlin admitted. “In which case, he'll go straight to you with what he learned, unaware that you already know and you'll have to deal with it...well however you see fit, but it won't be easy.”

“So you'll do it?” Gwen asked him gently.

“I said it before and I'll say it again: I have never thought of using my abilities for any reason than to protect you and the kingdom. And to that I hold.”

“Merlin, what's wrong?”

Gwen's customarily gentle voice and manner did nothing to quell the sick feeling in Merlin's stomach. For the first time in his memory he felt like either weeping or yelling at the woman who, though now a queen, had been his equal and confidant for most of his time in Camelot. “Either my memory hasn't come back after all or I've been flat out wrong about what it indicated.” He turned to face his lord. “I thought you knew me as an honest soul.” He walked out of the room without another word.

“What happened?” Merlin said aloud to no one in particular. He looked down the hall, decided to keep his thoughts inside his head as he worked through this mess, and continued his musings. How could things change so completely, and in so short a time to make his best friend no longer trust him, no longer know him. 'over the past 5 years I've learned to trust you with my life.' Arthur had said. Either some thing had changed and he'd lost that trust, or the statement, so soon after his revelation had been a lie and he hadn't seen it til now. To his mind there was no other option. 'I gave my word; I'll keep it.' Merlin thought bitterly. 'But this is for Elyan, not for you old friend.'

“What was that all about?” The King asked a few moments after Merlin had left, looking up at Gwen with near-pleading in his eyes.

Gwen stared at the doorway. “I think he was disappointed in you, in us...And he has a right to be.”

“What are you talking about? You heard Gaius same as me. Elyan will likely die if Merlin doesn't find a way to save him. He gave me his word when I found out about this that he'd help any way he could.”

“And we should have trusted him enough to know that he would keep that word!”Gwen said firmly.

Silence filled the room for a few moments. “I see what you mean.” The King said at last.


Merlin returned to his home to speak with Elyan as privately as what mattered to him. He walked to the knight's bedside, nearly knocking over a basket of apples in the process but no-one really cared. He handed the knight a small jar with thick liquid. “Elyan, this concoction will make you well enough to travel. After it wears off you'll feel exhausted but it'll work. We must return to where this started, and hopefully figure a cure.” This had been Merlin's message to the knight, whose only reply had been to drink the potion and nod.

That was now some hours ago, and they were on their way. Elyan had not lived in Camelot more than a year or so, having come to live with Gwen after being granted the title of Knight at the table of the ancient kings. In all his time at court he'd only known Merlin from a distance; which would have troubled him if he'd let it. He knew how close of a friend Merlin was to his sister, and earnestly wanted to know more about the man. There was no doubt that it might only be a question of asking Merlin to his face. The man had a reputation of being an open book, so there was nothing preventing his asking as far as that went. But for some reason he'd not yet had the courage to ask. Guinevere was now the queen of Camelot, and Merlin an attendant to the King. Elyan had hoped it would usher in an age of equality and justice, and so far he had not been wrong.

“I must admit Merlin. I’m not sure why you’ve insisted on being the one to come with me.”

“It’s a favor to Arthur. And a way to prove myself to him.”

“No offense but I’d think you’d have already done that.”

“…Elyan. If something were to happen here, that could have only one possible explanation, would you be able to accept the evidence of your own eyes?”

“If you mean magic, I rather assumed something like that was…”

“LIKE it, yes. I’m not sure what we’re going to find here, but please, keep an open mind.”

“It was right around here somewhere.” Elyan told Merlin casually.

“That you were poisoned?” Merlin asked in an equally calm voice.

“Well that I began feeling ill anyway.” Elyan clarified.

“Which means whatever caused it is slightly farther up ahead.” Merlin stated easily, his mind firmly not in the present moment. Not to the knight's eyes at least.

“Merlin, what's wrong?” Elyan asked in a voice to suggest he didn't really expect an honest answer.

“When we're done here.” Merlin whispered solemnly.

“You've come back you little thief.” A woman's voice said from somewhere before them. Elyan's eyes dashed around himself but Merlin was staring forward. He now was quite certain of what had happened, but not how to deal with it.

“Please,” Merlin said to the emptiness around him. “show us...talk with us as we do to ourselves.”

A moment later a woman came into view, leaning heavily on the branches of an apple tree. One look at this waif-like creature told Merlin three things: She was a dryad, she was ill, and that tree was her home. What surprised him however, so he would say later, was how quickly Elyan had come to that conclusion.

“What should I call you?” Merlin began pleasantly.

“I do not have a name.” She said meekly. In quite a different voice continued. “Now ask the other one why he has come back.” Merlin motioned for Elyan to keep quiet.

“His body is rotting much as, I believe, your own form is. We've traveled here to discover the cause and to heal him.” Elyan and the woman both looked at him in surprise. He decided to ignore the reaction for the moment. “I have one question to ask: what is needful to make you both well again?”

“This thief only bears the consequences of his actions. My last hope was my children and he took that from me! Even if something could be done I would not have it done!”

This was likely the first time in almost six years Merlin was actually upset that he'd been right.

“Merlin, what's going on?” Elyan asked him, thoroughly confused.

“I don’t rightly know.” Merlin replied without turning his head. “Will you please tell him?”

“My body is rotting. All my hope was in my children.” The statement was to Merlin in a quiet, deliberate voice, as though she were trying to explain to him her own form of Justice. She turned again to Elyan. “Because of you I no longer have them. Now you bear the weight of my sickness.”

“The apples I gave to Gwen?” Elyan said, a light dawning in his eyes.

“It was an innocent mistake..” Merlin began.

Thursday, October 15, 2020

Emptiness and Discovery from Camelot

 “Gwaine! It's good to see you.”

Likewise Merlin.”

What brings you here?”

I thought you might want some company when you head out.” Merlin's face fell.

Subtlety is not Arthur's strong suit is it?”

I’m sorry Merlin I..I thought you'd be heading to the southern field.”

Am I missing my brain as well as my memories? NO. And I'm perfectly capable of..”

MERLIN listen to me!” Gwaine interupted. “Every four days you go to the southern fields, alone if you can. I thought you might want some company this time, perhaps with a sword...nothing more than that.”

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry Gwaine. I didn't mean to come down on you. something other than my memory loss is causing me to react this way. Please let that suffice for now. “

Easily old friend. Easily...but now I am definitely coming with you.”

I would be glad for the company.”

an hour later they were on horses, trotting through the plain. “you know the question I wish to ask you?

Ask it anyway, perhaps we're not thinking of the same thing.

Why is Arthur avoiding you like a disease? He shuddered when I told him I would check on you.”

...I lied to him. Apparently I've been lying to him for the past five years.”

Merlin, I think that bump on your head confused you more than we thought. I KNOW you Merlin. You would never lie even to save your LIFE.

...according to Arthur, that's exactly what I have been doing.”

You're serious?” --and you know exactly what I'm talking about?”

Gaius tried to warn me there was something different about you. I didn’t know what he meant, until now.

You must not tell Arthur I told you, please Gwaine. Merlin, as far as I'm concerned, you haven't told me anything worth mentioning to him.” There was a soft smile shared between them. “This must be what friendship feels like” Merlin found himself thinking. The moment did not last long however

“But it's something worth finding out, I'd be willing to wager.” Said a lady dressed in black coming out from behind a tree. At the sight of her Merlin’s stomach turned sour. And he wasn’t even sure why. She was the first person he’d seen here you hadn’t seemed at least somehow familiar. Part of this was explained when Gwaine began to draw his sword. “I wouldn’t try that is I were you. You see I’ve become a little better skilled since last we met. “As if to prove her statement she put out her hand and yanked Gwain off of his horse, apparently by magic. “Well Merlin,” she said. “It seems we meet again at last.”

What do you know of me?”

HA! I think you mean 'What do I want' with you. That is simple: I want you to follow me.”

What do you mean?”

I didn’t expect to find you here Merlin, so I didn't bring anything to bind you with, but I did bring this.” She points a sword at Gwaine's throat. “Come with me now, and you leave a friend behind. Wait 5 more seconds, and you leave a corpse.”

Why don't you just pierce me?!” Merlin yelled at the top of his lungs. “Why threaten him?”

Because, Merlin, I know you well enough to know that you value fools like this more than that of your own life.” Merlin climbed down off his horse, his hands extended forward in a gesture of surrender.”

You and I were friends once, weren't we?” WHACK!...


Merlin woke up. His head was pounding and his arms were sore. The latter was explained by the fact that his arms were chained above his head; what else would he have expected? Which of course raised the question – WHY were his arms chained above his head? For a moment he thought about asking the woman who was standing before him – until he realized that SHE was of course the one who'd chained him.


Do you remember me?” she asked in a voice dripping with false sincerity.

Your face, yes sadly. I count it a blessing that I don't know your name!”

Well, that was an unexpected change! You have stomach now, even something resembling courage. And you were quite right earlier; at one time, you and I were friends.”

What happened between us?” The lady growled slightly before answering.

You really don't want to remember.”

If you won't tell me what changed, at least tell me your name.”

Why does it matter?” she asked in a voice full of bitterness.

I want to know who, if not what it is I'm responsible for.”

Her eyes closed to slits as she hissed at him. “You're the ONE person I can think of who had NO part in making me! I am Morganna Pendragon.” Merlin's mind swirled at the sound of that name. He could see flashes of the lady before him smiling at a banquet in Camelot, sitting near Arthur – not yet the king, but next to an older man wearing the crown. And then an image of a fight in the Great Hall between Morganna and himself. “She must be Arthur's sister” thought Merlin as he shook his head to clear the memories. A trickle of sweat rolled down his back as he saw her smiling at him.



Gaius, listen to me. Something else is going on here. Merlin's lost his memory, that's obvious, but that wouldn't make him a boot-licking coward!”

Threatening to expel him from his home might.” Arthur shook his head in denial.

I never threatened him. He and I haven't spoken since I found out about this...”

The armor,” said Gaius with a sudden realization.

I'm sorry?”

You said he seemed interested in polishing your armor”

yeah ‘Not because it was easy, but because it was fun’. So what of it?”

You can't deny that Merlin has always been good at his work.”

But when was the last time he thoroughly enjoyed it?” there was a faint light in Athurs face as he realized the truth of the situation. “you’re saying he didn’t lose his memory at all, but his identity!”

If he no longer has his own personality, he might have even lost his own convictions.” It was quite clear to Arthur what he’d meant by this.”

You believe Morganna is responsible.”

Knowing what you now know sire, is it really that hard to believe?”

..not for me” Gwaine panted as he hobbled in to the room. Arthur helped him into a seat. Gaius began to check the cut on Gwaine's forehead.

Arthur, I told you something was wrong with him. Friends know these things about each other. And as Merlin just proved, they'd also do anything for each other.” Gaius turned to get a bandage for the bleeding.

Gwaine, what's happened to Merlin?!” Arthur seemed in shock from what he’d just heard. But for all that he was as determined as ever to learn the truth.

He gave himself up – to save a friend.” Gwaine's eyes closed and Arthur eased his head onto the table.

Now it's my turn to do the same. Take care of him, Gaius.” Arthur grabbed his sword and hurried out of the room calling for a saddled mount


You know, there is one thing I don't understand about you, Merlin” Morgana stroked her chin with a gesture borrowed from her father.

Then at least we have that in common.”

Have you not learned in your life not to joke when it's in jeopardy?”

You haven't told me to keep silent, and I wasn't joking.”

Why do you follow Arthur so blindly? He doesn't deserve your loyalty; surely you've seen that lately?”

Rather the opposite, Morganna. If I hadn't known it before, I know it now. He deserves it.”

Her eyes widened in amazement. “Did that blow to your head weaken your senses further?”

Merlin thought back to the memories of them fighting. “Morgana, I... I think we share a secret. Am I wrong?” She stepped right up into his face. “Yes, I have magic, and Yes, I used it to take your memory!”

Merlin's eyes filled with disgust. “How on Earth could you have thought that helpful to you?”

She stepped back and after a moment drew herself up straight and regal. “I thought if you saw things with fresh eyes, you might see them more clearly. Apparently, I was wrong.”

Merlin turned his head downward to hide a smile. “Oh No, Morganna. That part you accomplished. I do see more clearly now. Gaius said I gave Arthur my devotion for reasons I didn't understand.”

She scoffed. “And now you see more clearly?”

Yes, now I've seen with my own eyes; both why I follow him and, why you will never defeat him.”

And why, please tell me, would that be?” Morganna purred at him.

Do you know what a friend is, Morganna?”

Enlighten me,” she ordered.

A friend is someone who'll do anything for a friend.” Arthur's voice caused Morganna to spin around to face him. She lashed out with her sword, but he blocked it and returned the stroke.

Merlin looked up at his shackles. “Dochiel dienvey!” At Merlin's command, the hinge pins disappeared. He pulled his hands free of the fetters and shook the blood back into them. Picking up a clay bowl from a nearby table, he smashed it over Morganna's head. She turned to look at him, but her eyes rolled up into her head and she crumpled to the floor unconscious.

I'm surprised how good that felt.” Merlin said to the surprised Arthur.


I take it he told you?” Gaius told Gwaine the moment his eyes were clear.

Not quite.” Gwaine replied lazily. “You told me enough that I figured it out by what he said…which of course is what you’d intended, isn’t it?

More or less.” Gaius replied chuckling. But when next Gwaine spoke, his smile vanished.

Gaius. I can’t be trusted with this.”

What do you mean? I’d say you’ve proven trustworthy to say the least!”

No you don’t understand. I will never tell anyone, especially an enemy if I have any strength or self-control left; you can trust me on THAT. But I cannot be trusted to control my tongue. I almost let it slip already.


At this moment that Merlin walked up to him. He gave a to signify he had overheard the conversation. “You told me you had been an outcast before we met. I must ask you: would you be willing to be so again?”

Without hesitation.” Gwaine replied solemnly.

Well let’s hope it won’t come to that Merlin.”

There was very little cheer to be found in Merlin the next morning. Every friend he'd made in Camelot had either wished him well or told him to relax. He almost wished more people had known why he was so dis-heartened:he could use all the well wishers he could get right now. The trepidation he felt as he walked into the king's chambers was restrained as well as he could manage. But as he hoped Arthur would note, there was no attempt made to hide its existence.

I present myself as ordered Sire, ready to face your Justice.”


Arthur looked up from the scrolls on his desk to re-examine the man in front of him. That Merlin would be apprehensive went without saying, but there was a sensation of, almost fear resonating from him.

What are you talking about Merlin?”

Your judgment for...what I had failed to say, was postponed until the morning, but that is now at hand.” “Merlin, first of all RELAX. I'm not about to chop your head off or anything.”

Merlin raised his head slightly. But to Arthur's disappointment, kept his hands clasped firmly behind his back. Deciding to imitate the gesture, Arthur began pacing the floor in front of him.

I'm disappointed in you Merlin. All the time we've known each-other, you've never bothered to tell me this about yourself. Why you thought you had to keep this a secret.” Merlin opened his mouth in amazement and made as if to speak. Arthur held up his right hand to stop him.I've spent the last two days trying to sort it out, to come up with a reason why you lied to me. My first thought was 'it's against the law' but you've never been one to think of your own safety. I've noticed THAT about you if I've noticed anything. Then there was the concern you showed for Gaius; you might have been keeping quiet for his sake. But if you'd had the time to think this through, you could have either found a way to leave him completely out of it, or ask a pardon for him as I know you were in the process of doing when last we spoke.”

-- He stopped his pacing directly in front of and 2 feet away from Merlin. With an apparent feat of effort, he turned to face the man.

It was me wasn't it? You didn't want me to think less of you. Or to feel that I had been betrayed...and before you open your mouth again...I EXPECT you to speak unreservedly TO me, as I have done to you.”

several moments pause, Merlin seemed to have found his voice again, weak tho it was:

I knew you would feel betrayed if you ever found out. I knew hiding the truth would make me a liar by default. But if this about perfect honesty sire; I was afraid, of you. Afraid of your anger, your scorn, that you would turn out to be no different than anyone else. He hung his head once again...and that I'd lose any hope of calling you my friend.

he brushes away a tear: Merlin you've never...well I won't say that. But if ever you lost my friendship, you gained it back; not with these words, but last night. Merlin stares at him. I heard what you said to Morgana. You stood up to a lion for me as stalwartly as you stood up to ME when I had been so. That's why I summoned you here tonight at all. I was afraid you were just being brave. As far as I'm concerned Merlin, we'll be alright...if you take a little more caution with your gifts that is.

Arthur you should know. I think Gwaine figured it out.

what do you mean?” Arthur asked, some mixture of surprise and anger in his voice.

I told him I'd apparently been lying to you for the past five years. (fondly) He actually laughed in my face at that. Said there was no way I would lie at all even to save my own life. A light dawned in Arthur's eyes.

And you told him that's what you'd apparently been doing.”

...Merlin saw that Arthur's fist was clinched as if to strike him.

Arthur I was distracted, I'm so sorry.”

After what seemed to be an eternity, Arthur relaxed his fist and lowered his hands.

You’re wrong there my friend.” Merlin looked up at him, dumbstruck. “You weren't being distracted, you were being honest; and I wouldn't expect anything less of you. But if you breathe A-word of this conversation to anyone but Gaius I will not be so understanding. And, as if to ensure Merlin had been paying attention, he 'asked': “AM. I. CLEAR?” 

 “Yes MiLord.” Merlin replied nervously but firmly. Arthur looked at him for a moment longer and dismissed him. Merlin bowed deeply and withdrew.'



Sound of One Voice

  Nikita warmly greets J'onn who is clearly uncomfortable, and a little standoffish. “ J'onn I am asking as formally as I can for...