In an Alternate Universe where Morganna is on the throne, Uther is in hiding under Merlin's care and Arthur is a prisoner. Merlin is sharing what he knew and what he had learned in the year leading up to Morganna taking the throne at the end of season 3 of Merlin. Basically in this history...they never retook Camelot from the army of the dead Morganna and Morgouse had summoned.
Excerpt First:
To tell the truth sire, I honestly think Morgouse makes sense by comparison!”
“Merlin, why are you squirming in your own body as if you were afraid I'd attack you for telling the truth? I should be thanking you for being so completely open with me. I do notice I seem to scare you. It makes sense and was the most natural thing in the world when I wore a crown and asked you to keep an eye out for witches and wizards. Given what you told me keeping silence could not have settled well with your honest heart, keeping quiet from me to say nothing of how close you are to my son. He would have hated you for for thinking this. Morganna is queen now and I do not wear a crown. I cannot command you to speak much less have you thrown in a dungeon for speaking. As I recall I did once ...actually throw you in jail. So, why do you still seem so scared of me?”
Several silent moments passed.
“The third reason I come as often as I do...” Merlin fussed with the tail of his shirt. “Sire if I continue, if I keep saying these things, in a few minutes I will be begging you for leniency.”
Uther looked confused and stunned. After a moment he chuckled shakily. “Either you have a very awkward sense of humor or a very loose grip on reality.”
The True King's Truest Friend
Merlin stepped into the road, his hands apart, palms open. “You promise you will leave him in peace, alive and free? I have your word on that?” His voice was flat but sincere, a feat only he could have pulled off.
“I give you my word, if you come with me now, he will leave free.”
“...Then leave him alone, and keep me.”
Quick as lightning Morganna shoved Gwaine aside and wrapped cords around Merlin's wrists and mouth. As the Queen dragged Merlin away Gwaine's head lifted, as though looking around for the source of a sound. Merlin must have sent him a message in his mind. Gwaine was the closest friend he had, save perhaps Arthur himself, and had always considered Merlin his only friend. So whatever Merlin wanted to say, if anyone was going to hear a silent message it would have been that amazing knight of Camelot. Gwaine kept himself still until Morganna and her people were out of sight. When he stood up again he had a very confused look on his face. “Where do I even begin to look?”
“Is someone there?” a voice croaked.
“I guess so.” A young man whispered. “Are you who I'm here for? Have I found Arthur's father?”
“Yes, that much I can claim. Please come out of the shadows.”
Gwaine followed the man's instructions and stepped into the room. He quickly sheathed his sword and bowed his head to Uther, who did not respond except to raise an eyebrow. “I realize I am probably the last person you want to see.” Gwaine said plainly. “Merlin told me to find you. And I think he asked me to care for you. What can I do to help?”
“You can stand up straight and look me in the face.” Uther said briskly. “You owe me no special honor, no one does. And as for the other part...Whatever disagreements we had before are certainly irrelevant by now, would you agree?”
“Yes I suppose so. It will be difficult to unlearn something I've lived with all my life however. And I don't mean knowledge of what nobles expect. With the exception of your son, I have always hated and distrusted nobles, royalty even more so. I will be better than that in time...but it will take time.”
“By the graciousness of your words and peace in your eyes I'd think you were born a nobleman.”
“I was sire. But I rejected that life long ago. I learned from my father's life that titles don't mean anything. And never found a nobleman who deserved that title until Merlin insisted...” His voice caught. “When I first met them, when I was carried into Camelot over a year ago, Merlin would not stop insisting that Arthur was different, that he was indeed a noble-man and worth dying for. At first I thought he was only saying that to make the best out of a bad situation...or that he was just easily swayed. Then I saw it for myself: Arthur is different. Eventually I decided that if Merlin thought he was worth dying for...”
“What has happened to him?” Uther said suddenly. “You would not have this pained a look every time you mention his name if something wasn't sad about that story. What has happened to him?!”
“...He gave himself up...to save a friend.”
“...And for a chance to make things right with a friend.” Uther said with a queer smile. Gwaine looked at Uther as thought he thought the man was talking nonsense...or had finally had too much to drink.
“Forgive me sire but, what do you mean by that?”
“Arthur is Morganna's prisoner. The last thing Merlin and I talked about was how much he regretted, I would almost say hated himself for not going back for Arthur. If only for a final chance to see him. I told him he'd never make it all the way to the dungeons without being caught.”
“So he had them bring him to the dungeons, knowing he could sneak around from there! That actually makes me feel better.”
“Merlin is...far wiser than most people know.”
“I am...honestly not sure what to say to that.”
“Gwaine...how well do you know Merlin?”
“I know he's the only friend I had in the world. I know he is tireless and endlessly patient. I know his heart carries a secret weight and if he doesn't want to share it with me I'm in no place and not of the inclination to press him on it.”
“Very wise. I should tell you he shared that secret with me. The night before he left he told me he needed to share something with me. That there was something about him I needed to know or at least he needed someone in this kingdom to know. Then he went off to right one last wrong and speak openly with Arthur, come what may. Now I think I should tell you. You should probably sit down, it will be easier for you to hear what I have to say.”
“Sire, how can you be sure he would want this?”
“Well for one, he spoke of you as his closest friend in Camelot and of all the knights you are the man who thinks most like him and stands by him through everything. From the way he talks about you, you are the only friend he has to whom he would share so much of himself, and would trust you with it. Also, he did give himself up to save a friend. I think getting inside the castle was an ancillary benefit to saving you from Morganna's clutches.” Gwaine smiled shyly. “To be perfectly forthright Gwaine, I think you're the only person in the kingdom, other than my son for whom Merlin would gladly give his life. Now sit down and listen I have, an amazing story to tell you.”
This is the Story Uther tells:
“Why would you do this for me?” the former King Uther Pendragon asked of the young man who had sheltered him for nine weeks without complaint.
“Forgive me sire, I do not understand.” Merlin asked the man.
“I cannot command you. I would not ask this of you if I could. Why are you being so kind?”
'There are many good reasons why I should sire. Arthur is one good reason. I do what I can to help him. I would follow him to my death if I could, he asked me to care for you and I don't really have any reason not to...” The young man bowed his head. “You did as me to speak without restraint or overly-tempered words.”
“Indeed, and I'm glad to see you finally followed that instructions...and that is what it was.”
“I don't...You mean it wasn't an order from a king, just an instruction from an elder?” Uther nodded vigorously. “Yeah, it really does make sense. Arthur liked that about me anyway.”
“You speak of him as if relaying a story that has come to its end.”
“I don't mean to sire. He's still alive. I'm just not with him in the same way I was, back when we were traveling together and I seldom left his side. Even back then, he always liked that I didn't use false compliments or courtly manners.” The young servant's eyes grew distant, remembering the good old days, knowing they would never come again. Uther decided to leave the man in peace with his thoughts. A few minutes later Merlin shook himself out of his thoughts and smiled faintly at Uther.
“Seriously the last order Arthur ever gave me was to do what I could for you. I won't deny I think Arthur would make a better and more worthy king than you were. He would outshine you in forbearance as justice every bit as much as you overshadow and tower over, in those principles, the woman who has the throne now. How Morganna has managed to justify the things she's doing. It makes me sick. Also...and I hope you'll forgive this...”
“It puts my reign in perspective.” Uther finished for the lad. Merlin's head shot up to the roof. Staring the former king in the face, he waited for some explanation to come forth. “I don't actually disagree with you Merlin! I don't understand what happened to her, but Morganna is as consumed with selfishness as she is with the lust for power. And Arthur is ready to be a king and his reign will...he would be a better king than I ever was. I have no reluctance about admitting that! Stop tip-toeing around the basic truths you and I have come to see so clearly.” In response to this admission Merlin put his head down and looked at his own feet. “What is it Merlin?”
“It's time I told you as much of the truth as I ever learned...as much of it as you wish to know. What you think of me after this...it will be a revelation before the evening is done, I can assure you of that...is entirely your affair. But I want you to see the complete picture...and know exactly how long ago I figured most of these secrets out.”
“Starting with the secret of Arthur's birth.” Uther prompted.
“And that Morganna was your natural daughter.” Merlin replied instantly.
“...You have my attention.” Uther breathed.
Merlin pulled a small bottle of wine out of his satchel and poured the drink into two small cups that would fit on tea plates. “Raspberry wine. I think we both will need it before too long.” After handing the king a mug he sat on the floor and motioned Uther to sit back against the wall. “Morgouse was a liar and an enchantress. But her deception was made all the more powerful because there was a streak of truth to it. Arthur could not have forgiven himself if he'd...done what he was about to do, so I pulled him back from it. But I have known since that day why Arthur has no memories of his mother.”
Uther actually smiled at that. “Your perception and insight have ever been as sharp as an eagles or lioness. I have always said so.”
Merlin's eyes flashed briefly and Uther pushed his lips closed, sensing this was a difficult thing for Merlin to say and he needed his concentration...and the courtesy of not being interrupted in his story. “Morganna's birthday celebration was the next...revelation. When her head was cracked I...I heard what you told her when you sat with her. Strange thing is...I think she might have heard it too. Either that or she found out pretty soon after. He face was a mask but not just a closed door, there were dark things behind her eyes after that. I'm sorry, I really have no other way to describe it. She was one of the first people I met in Camelot who talked to me without barking orders, including...actually especially Gaius and Arthur. She didn't' mean well to any of us anymore. I didn't know what to make of it, or what to do about it...so I did nothing at all.”
“I don't even think this was intentionally Morgouse's doing.”
“ –WHAT?!!
“Morgouse wanted to right the wrongs done to her kind under your rule. Morganna wanted to make you pay for lying to her and take her 'rightful place' on the throne. Morgouse showed her that she wasn't a monster, and she came to see you as one. Morgouse would rather you be forgotten or dead. But that would be the end of it. From her perspective she's interested in justice not vengeance. Making you suffer before you die was never her goal. And she...she has a head on her shoulders compared to Morganna that...I can't believe I'm actually saying this..."
"That surpasses the same comparison for Arthur and myself." Uther finished for him.
"To tell the truth sire, I honestly think Morgouse makes sense by comparison!”
“Merlin, why are you squirming in your own body as if you were afraid I'd attack you for telling the truth? I should be thanking you for being so completely open with me. I do notice I seem to scare you. It makes sense and was the most natural thing in the world when I wore a crown and asked you to keep an eye out for witches and wizards. Given what you told me keeping silence could not have settled well with your honest heart, keeping quiet from me to say nothing of how close you are to my son. He would have hated you for for thinking this. Morganna is queen now and I do not wear a crown. I cannot command you to speak much less have you thrown in a dungeon for speaking. As I recall I did once before. I had you thrown in jail for something or other. So, why do you still seem so scared of me?” Several silent moments passed.
“The third reason I come as often as I do...” Merlin fussed with the tail of his shirt. “Sire if I continue, if I keep saying these things, in a few minutes I will be begging you for leniency.”
Uther looked confused and stunned. After a moment he chuckled shakily. “Either you have a very awkward sense of humor or a very loose grip on reality.”
“Gwaine and Arthur know without a shadow of doubt that I would jump down a dragon's throat to save them, if I didn't trip over my own feet first. You were the first person in Camelot to know how far I would go to keep him safe, to defend Arthur from his enemies. But they don't know how much I could do trying to defend them. This should give you an idea.” He picked up the plate upon which he had served the king his supper, holding it eye-level on his left hand, and raised his right hand high above the plate. He said a spell in his mind and the exact meal Uther had just finished reappeared. The same except for a few extra pieces of fruit and darker red jam for the bread. He turned to face the fire pit at his left. The flames were almost down to embers. “Enthal.” he whispered. Suddenly the flame grew brighter and stronger. The next moment he pulled himself to his knees in front of Uther and bowed his head.
“What do you mean by this?” Uther asked with a kind of stern kindness.
When Merlin raised his head his face was whiter than normal.
“What do you think you need my pardon for? Do you think it is worse being a sorcerer or keeping quiet about Morganna's true intentions?”
“To be honest, neither.” Merlin answered after a moment. “Morganna was too precious to others, and wore her mask of happiness so convincingly nothing could have come from trying to tell people the truth. Not to mention it would have gotten me beheaded or exiled. If I hadn't overheard her talking with Morgouse one night I wouldn't have believed it. And I will Ne-ver regret being what I am. What I'm asking you to forgive is my plain cowardice...that I didn't do more to fight Morganna when she seized the throne. For leaving Arthur languishing in that cell when I could so easily break him out and guide him here to be with you..”
“..It wouldn't be easy and I think you know that.” Uther interrupted him. “Unless you can turn yourself invisible you'd never get to the cells. Without revealing your powers to him, you could never tell him how you rescued him at all.”
“But...isn't that cowardice?”
“No matter how powerful, one man cannot move the earth. Are you sincerely asking that?! Preserving your friendship with my son and choosing instead to follow what is by your own words the last order he ever gave you, and look after me? I know how you must hate me. I know now why I scare you so badly: You were helping me with your magic every day but hiding in the corner, hiding your power so I'd accept your help. Merlin you are probably the bravest man I know!”
“...I don't hate you sire.” Merlin fumbled his words. “You scare me, or at least intimidate me, sure. But I couldn't hate you if I tried, not for doing what you honestly believe is best for your people...after knowing what trusting magic cost you. To be blunt I must ask you to please, NOT presume to know my mind if that's the kind of thing you think is in my heart.”
“I...I don't know what to say.” Uther Pendragon stammered, starring at the man who had stayed with him in hiding, for eleven weeks, the entire time caring for him as a doctor cares for his patient, or a father for his son. This wasn't the main thought in his head however. His first thought was 'am I finally seeing things that aren't there...or am I finally seeing things clearly?”
"Was I always wrong about you or are you as selfless as you seem?"
“And THAT is the reaction I'd expected you to have about this.” Merlin stated flatly. “Not all people with magic want destruction and death. My powers don't corrupt me. Morganna's magic unto itself didn't corrupt her. I learned from Gaius the purpose of my skills and that magic should only be used for great deeds. All Morganna ever heard was that magic was evil and 'those who practice magic should never be trusted'. Is it any wonder when someone taught her to accept herself she turned her back on the people who so shunned people like us...because believe me if she learned I had magic she'd be asking me that: Why I don't stand with her, why I won't stand up for 'people like us'. I'm not like her just because I have magic, any more than I'm like Morgouse, Nimweh or the old druid for that matter. My mother made me who I am, my loyalty to Arthur gave me purpose and Gaius wisdom and encouragement kept me on a noble path. Had things been different I would have been honored to call Arthur my friend. As it stands I do what I can to keep him safe. If I'd been able to look HIM in the eye without fearing what he'd do if he found out that magic lives in my veins. Well, it does, literally. And that changes nothing about me...except in the eyes of people like you.” Having been staring Merlin in the face the entire time, Uther of course noticed Merlin's mouth did not move as he spoke these last few words. Those words were his thoughts, which he had sent to the kings mind, unable to keep the anger out of his voice any longer. A moment later he realized the truth: Merlin was showing him the extent of his powers and proving he would never use them to cause pain, not even to a man he had every right to call his enemy.
Merlin drew himself to his knees before his liege. Who stood their stunned and confused. “Why are you doing this?” He asked the young man. 'Asking forgiveness for cowardice as if you've been anything but noble and brave. Merlin if anything I should be thanking you. You have used you powers for nothing except keeping us fed and warm, and kept your powers hidden from me so I would accept you help. That is hardly a cowards move. The last thing Arthur asked of you was to care for me and you have, proving if nothing else you are as loyal to him as I first believed. I'll never understand you, but I am indebted to you. Now get. up. And answer your promise.”
As he saw Merlin walk away from him for what might be the final time, determined and calm, Uther felt a deep sense of admiration for the man. But he knew it went deeper than that. At one point Arthur would have had him banished, imprisoned or executed for the revelation Merlin was about to give, and that didn't seem to matter to the man, as much as telling Arthur the truth and sparing him further suffering under Morganna's watchful eye. Uther was overcome with a sensation he had rarely experienced and bowed his head in genuine shame.
Lancelot is alive. Uther doesn't realize it but the reason Merlin does not speak of sharing this part of himself with him is because Lancelot already knows!
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