"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies." Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You, even to your brother. They're concerned my judgment and dedication may have been compromised.”
“Tell whoever's in charge instead, you do not want me doing this, trust me.”
“Want it, no. But I've been told we need it.”
“Castiel, I don't know how else to say this. If I walk into that room, if I give in, you will not like what walks back out.”
“For what it's worth, I would give anything Not to have you do this.”
Dean closed his eyes. Castiel might have had the powers of an angel, but in this matter he was powerless. He stepped through to door, face set hard and cold. The bastard strung up on the devil's trap had tortured him in hell for something like thirty years. Until finally he had agreed to be the torturer. And now, he would be one again. He forced himself to put the thought out of his mind. But he knew it would haunt him for years to come.
Sounds of pain came from the cold storage room; the moans were Alistair's, not Dean's. Castiel stood with his back ramrod straight against the wall, his arms firmly at his sides. He knew that his brethren were watching him with intense scrutiny, but somehow guarding an already triple-bolted room did not seem as important as intercession. And so he closed his eyes. “avi hakdush bioter. ani nichna lech bekal dvar shani osha. abel ani mevaksh am ze efshri, azor le'ish haza. haser et hameshima hazu mechtafav.”
“My most holy Father. I submit to you in everything I do. But I must ask if it is possible, help this man. Take this burden from his shoulders.”
“What exactly are you doing?” Uriel's voice interrupted rudely.
“You know exactly what.” Castiel replied tersely.
“You really are enamored of these little grease monkey aren't you?”
“When
God himself tells me to stop caring about His most glorious creation
which we are sworn to protect, I will stop. Until then I am his loyal
solider. And you are not foolish enough to suggest otherwise.
Besides, you and I both know Dean Winchester is more important to the
fight than you are making out.”
“...Unfortunately yes.”
“ Then I should do everything within my power to keep him safe.”
“There is another, more sure way to win this fight.”
“Not without sacrificing the final battle. Or have you forgotten our ultimate enemy is Lucifer, not Alistair, and certainly not humanity.”
“Humanity isn't worthy of being our concern, much less our enemy. And what of our brother Lucifer, rotting in th cage, what did he do to deserve that?”
“He rebelled against God, corrupted our father's creation and out of ruined humanity.” Castiel replied. His voice was measured, his eyes searching. He kept his face impassive. Was Uriel suggesting what he seemed to be suggesting?
(Something goes here. Not sure what yet. But there is a scene missing)
Dean Winchester was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. The Devils trap that had bound his 'prey' had been smudged and as a result the demon had been freed. Castiel and Sam had eliminated the threat, but were at a loss for explanations.
“Do not let your sympathy for these monkeys blind you Castiel! Our father doesn't care what any of us do. That I am even standing here is proof of that!”
“You killed our brothers and sisters. You attacked the garrison, killed our fellow soldiers, fellow angels, then blamed it on Alistair and his demons?”
“I only killed the ones who said no.”
“And now, if I say no, you'll kill me.”
“I don't want to brother. I like you. More than that, I need you. I need you to help me, help me free our brother Lucifer. All you have to do is take a stand.”
“I intend to.” Castiel faced Uriel, any hint of timidity gone. “Despite my attachment to certain humans, you consider me a worthy solider. I'm gratified. But you make one grave miscalculation. Castiel drove his blade into Uriel's heart. “I am still a loyal acolyte of God, no other. Not Dean Winchester not you.”
Dean woke up in his hospital bed to find Castiel sitting beside him.
“Are you alright?” The angel said with concern.
“No thanks to you.”
“Dean will you let me...” He raised his hand, reaching for Dean's broken jaw.
“Cass, I don't think you can.”
“Dean, I feel I owe you that much.”
“What will the others think.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Caring for you is in accordance with our orders. They won't object. I don't think I'd care if they did.” Castiel pressed his fingers against Dean's forehead and immediately the swelling vanished. Dean's sight was normal.
“Caring for me is 'according to your orders'?”
“You are aware, of what happened in Hell? Not what happened to you but, when you escaped?” Dean nodded miserably. “We believe that, it is written that the righteous man who begins this calamity, must be the one to end it. It's why Michael is so eager to have you as his vessel. And why no one objected to my attentions to you. Until now.”
Dean wondered what could have changed, if there was something specific Castiel had done to make the angels take notice. But he couldn't think what that would be, so he brushed the question aside. Castiel was staring at him again, his eyes soft but intense. “Dean, I hope I haven't ruined our chance at a friendship.”
Dean couldn't help smiling. For a solider of God surrounded by an army of ass-hats, Castiel was pretty okay. Almost human. “No Castiel. You've made a friend.”
“James, what is going on?”
“I've thought about...what you said. I stayed up all night thinking about it.”
Jennifer leaned in, her movements cautious, her attitude loving. “And?”
“I can't fail him.” James Cole looked briefly at his wife and walked sadly out of the house. Standing on his front porch, he looked up to Heaven. “Castiel, promise my family will be okay, and I'll do it.” A warm white light surrounded him, he closed his eyes. “Yes I understand. And yes.” He felt a surge of energy. It wasn't painful in the slightest, but warm, inviting. The light faded a moment later.
Jenny ran out the door and found James standing in the yard.
“I am not your husband.” James Cole's voice intoned.
“You...you're Castiel.”
“Yes. Your husband is truly a devout man. Believe me, he prayed for this.”
“I'm not certain I can. But I do believe he accepted this, accepted you.”
“That is all I can ask. I must go.” He began walking into the yard. He turned back briefly. “I must go. I must find Dean Winchester.” Castiel wondered off into the night. To find his charge and although he didn't realize it, his destiny.
“Cas?” Dean called. He saw a man lying on his back.
“Cas, whoa take it easy.” Sam urged holding him gently.
The man held his hand to his head. “Castiel? Not Castiel. My name is Jimmy.”
Sam and Dean exchanged worried looks. Sam touched Jimmy's shoulder gingerly. “This might sound crazy but you really better come with us.”
“Crazier than letting an angel use you as a host for a year?”
“Tabling the con-fab until we're out of the hot zone.” Dean insisted.
Twenty minutes later Jimmy Emmanuel Cole sat at the dinging table in a low rent motel two very concerned strangers staring at him.
“I don't think I've ever seen anyone enjoy toasted oats so much.” Said the man with the longer hair and wider face.
“It's been almost a year since I've eaten anything.” Jimmy replied.
“Okay that would do it.” Said the other man. A man with shorter hair, slightly sharper features and strong emotions. “He never let you out?”
“I volunteered to be a vessel, I was the outside.”
“Ohh next time I see him I am so gonna kick his ass.”
“Pretty sure that can wait til later.” Sam insisted, putting his hand on his brother's arm. “What do you remember about being... possessed?”
“Not a lot. I remember being surrounded by a bright light. This constant, dull pain, calm, an empty kind of calm. I remember sitting in my living room with my wife and the next thing I know, the two of you are standing over me. I wish I could say it was worth it but I'd be lying.” Jimmy looked from the concerned, soft-spoken man on his left to his other new friend. This man seemed to be struggling with anger, even feelings of betrayal. “I invited him in. It was my choice. He must have told you that.”
“Doesn't make it any easier to stomach.” Dean said miserably.
“I'm sorry, I've been rude. What are your names?”
“I'm Sam Winchester. This is my brother Dean.” Said the man on his left.
The names clearly meant nothing to him.
Jame Cole sat in the living room he once shared with his wife.
“James, you don't have to pretend. I know the truth.”
“About Castiel, how?”
“He...he talked to me, right after. I guess you don't remember but I ran out after you. Castiel told me you had invited him in.”
“I did. I asked him to make sure you and Claire were okay. I've been...I'm not sure where I've been since then.”
“And out of the blue, he just let go of you?”
James shook his head slowly. “I get the feeling it was more like someone yanked him out of me, angry at him. I have NO idea what's been going on. Sam and Dean said they've been _Dean?”_ Yeah, they say they've been working with Castiel off and on for almost a year. It's weird they call him 'Cass'. Wait, they haven't been here have they?”
“No. It's just when Castiel left he said he needed to find Dean Winchester.”
“This is starting to make a weird sort of sense.”
“Jimmy, I know that look. Why are you so concerned about them?”
“They told me not to come here, that I was putting you in danger.”
“You're right they did.” A voice said from the other side of the room. Two men stood in the doorway. “You should have listened to them.”
Claire knelt beside her father, but James could see it wasn't his daughter. It was Castiel. He knew the warm expression on her face belonged to the angel.
“James, you have our gratitude. But your work is done. It's time to go home now, your true home. Rest now James.”
“No, Claire.”
“She's with me now. She's chosen, and fierce, like you.”
“Please Castiel, take me back. I'll be your vessel again.” He clutched Claire's hand, shaking in both desperation and pain. “Just take me, please.”
“I'm not angry with you.” Castiel answered, thoroughly confused. Jimmy shook his head sadly. There was no way he could explain what small a sacrifice he was making compared to having Claire taken from him. “I want to make sure you understand. It may be a century before I can leave again. You won't die, or age. You won't see your family again except in your memory.”
“It doesn't matter. She didn't choose this, I did. Just take me, please!”
Castiel sighed heavily. “As you wish.” He pressed two fingers against James Cole's forehead and once again the surrounding air shone with light.
“Daddy, where are you going?”
“He's answering God's call.” Jennifer answered.
“But we just got you back.” Claire all of 12 years insisted.
“I am sorry Claire. I hope you'll forgive me. I hope you'll understand one day. God put a call on my life, at least an angel did. I'm answering that call.”
“Where will you go?” Jennifer asked. It was all she could think to say.
“Wherever my charge takes me, I suppose.” The angel Castiel answered.
“God be with you...Jimmy.” Jennifer offered with a warm smile.
Castiel actually smiled back.
“Castiel, I know you're angry. I also know you're our friend. Look I'm not just offering an olive branch because we need you. But we DO need you Cass. It's the mark, Dean's given into it. He's almost gone. I know you have every reason to tell me to get stuffed. But please, Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life.”
Sam looked up to find Castiel standing beside the pew.
“You continue to humble me Sam. You and your brother seem to make a habit of exceeding my expectations.”
“Does that mean you'll help him?” Sam replied, his voice rising.
“It means I'll hold onto him and never let him go as long as there's even a small chance that I can save him.”
Castiel approached the vehicle with Sam right behind him. The front seat and the ground beside it were drenched in blood. “He survived, right?” Sam inquired, or suggested, it was hard to tell sometimes.
“This way.”
As they searched for Gadreel, Castiel realized he was feeling shame. Gadreel had first come to the Winchesters offering his help, calling himself 'Ezekiel'. Had he used his real name, Castiel would never have allowed them to accept his assistance. For whatever reason, Gadreel had chosen to follow Metatron. Two days ago he had come to them with an olive branch. The truth of a devastating situation and an offer to help. Dean had attacked him with the viciousness of a wild animal. He had not been in control of himself, but Gadreel could hardly be expected to know that. Castiel had recently experienced hunger and loneliness, but could not imagine feeling wounded and afraid on top of that. He saw a man lying face-up in the grass. It was Gadreel.
The man saw them and his eyes went wide with fear. He tried to crawl away. “Please, I'll leave you alone, I swear.” He pleaded shakily.
'As if I needed to feel worse about this whole mess' Cass thought to himself. “We're not here to hurt you. Please believe me.” Cass assured the man. He reached his hand out. But the man held up- two fingers.
“No. Your Grace, healing me would only weaken you.”
Castiel smiled grimly. “We are both soldiers of duty Gadreel. Do I really need to explain to you why I have to do this?” Gadreel sighed but did not protest further. Castiel touched Gadreel's forehead. The wounds sealed themselves instantly. Cass lurched forward as if struck in the back. Then lifted the man to his feet.
“Should I ask why?' Gadreel inquired patiently.
“You mean aside from the fact that I am indirectly responsible for your injuries? Sam told me what you did while you were with him. You acted with integrity. Humans don't cling to the past like we do, personal or otherwise. They don't have our arrogance. At least, they don't.”
He indicated Sam with a shake of his head.
“We have that much in common at least.”
They've been my role models on many things these past few years. This is just one more thing I'm learning from them.”
Sam and Gadreel faced each-other.
“Gadreel.” Sam Winchester said rather formally.
“Sam Winchester.” The angel replied with solemnity. They looked at each-other for a soft moment. “I hope I did not hurt you too badly.”
“I'm fine.” Sam assured him.
Castiel decided to push the conversation into an area of concern. “I have no right to ask but I'm going to; will you come back to the bunker with us?” He could not blame Gadreel for tensing at his words.
Hoping to reassure the man, Sam gave voice to his thought. “Dean is locked in a storage room. He won't be able to hurt you, I promise.”
“I don't suppose I should ask what happened?”
Castiel measured his reply. “Dean is not in control of his actions. His mind is clouded, his emotions... amplified. Gadreel, I am asking you to trust me. Return to the bunker with us, help us figure out a way to expose Metatron, and take him down.” Castiel stared hard at the angelic solider, the former prisoner of heaven he had once sought to punish for his deceit, and said three words. “Point. Of. Honor.”
“You don't need to convince me Castiel. I trust you. I'll come.”
“You've helped both of us to see the other clearly.” Gadreel addressed Sam.
“What do you mean?”
“Castiel and I met a few days ago. He wanted to show me serving Metatron and serving Heaven were not the same thing. I agreed to meet because I knew how you felt about him. You consider him honorable.”
“To say the least.”
“He says you're the reason he attempted to reach out. I wanted to thank you.”
“Gadreel, I didn't give a glowing report or anything. I just told him the truth. Cass asked me what it was like when you possessed me. He asked me if I felt your presence, I told him I had. He asked if I ever felt threatened; I never did. I felt that you weren't at rest and that's what I told him. Nothing more or less."
But Gadreel would not be put off so easily. His feelings about his own intrusion aside, he was determined to make sure Sam knew what he really thought of him. “One thing I've learned these past months? With the exception of my brother,” He indicated Castiel. “angels don't think much of humans. They obviously don't know you very well.”
“Dean, I can fix that.” Cass offered, reaching across the table to heal Dean's scarred face. Dean held up his arm. pushing his friends hand away gently.
“No, no it's fine Cass.” 'How could you have gotten even more stubborn' The message on Cass' face was as clear as if it had been spoken. Dean gave a slight nod. “Besides I had it coming.”
Seven weeks earlier, possessed and consumed by the Mark of Cain and the power of the first blade, Dean had assaulted Castiel. The angel had not even raised a hand to defend himself. The mark of Cain was gone, the trio was together again. But the attack clearly still weighed heavily on Dean's conscience.
Cass realized his stare was becoming intrusive and sat down.
